I absolutely love this song now.
I just got the song today. Coz i duno the title. I dun like the original though but the version sung by one fren,Kavan. I love the way he sings it...
哭了才发现自己真的受伤了
你曾对我说你永远是我的
为了爱情我把自己的幸福都忘了
你快乐我就快乐
也许是我们彼此都太年轻了
总是特别容易沉溺在爱情里
每当我再次看到身边美丽的花火
你也离开我我还是想对你说
Baby I love You So Much…
你走了我的心在淌血
Baby You Hurt Me So Bad…
想要你回到我的世界
Baby I love You So Much…
你给我的诺言已经瓦解
Baby You Hurt Me So Bad…
只要我们都爱着无论多苦都值得
说好的你怎么忘记了
Nuff said...
Isnt it?
Monday, April 30, 2007
Back & Thank You All
I am fine liao.
I guess so.
It seemed like i got over it within 18hrs. Ya, i jus looked at the clock and calculated...
At least im still alive, still able to smile & joke.
I'm alright & I got over the worst moments. And made myself go to work, though my fren insisted on calling my boss on my behalf to explain to him to allow me to take fri off.
I cannot do that one lor. And i am not the kind of person who does that.
Anyways, gonna have to thank some of u sweet little darlings.
I panicked and called the whole world around 1+am that night. Nobody picked up except Keith, although he was already asleep.
Though he wasnt able to keep up coz he was too tired. But i was really glad someone answered. He did joked and said luckily he wasnt dreamin about ghosts the next day. Coz if he did, then hearing a female crying over the phone and not saying anything at that hr is very creepy. Haha.
Also, gotta have to thank Ben, who called me back and stayed with me till 4+am.
These are the times when u will find out who really cares (though they always act tough and say they hack care abt u)even though you may not be particularly close with that person.
I am always reachable for others, ppl called me at crazy hours but never once i complained. Coz i understand how it feels when you really need someone to talk to or need someone by ur side, but you just cant get anybody, be it the hour.
I understand coz it had always been the case for me. When i say i will be there for you, anytime, i truly mean it. Unless seriously i did not managed to hear the ringing. I knoe sometimes how a phone call can change a person's fate. U never noe wat will happen to that person.
So as much as i can, i would never wan anybody i noe to go thru the same thing as i did.
Ppl always look for me when something happened, but never once have i found anyone like that until this time. This is the 1st time i actually felt i have frenz. Not those who can go out, chat, have fun with you.
But those whom stayed with you in times of need. Like me, they sacrificed their sleep, work, coz they know as a human, you are more important at that moment.
Its an irony that those who proclaimed, "I'll always be here whenever u really need me, U can always call me if u r down, i will definately get ur call or call u back asap" are never the ones who are there. Even if you happened to get them, they wouldnt really be bothered to hear you out. They will sound impatient, coz they didnt wan to get affected themselves, so they would tell u things like, "just go n slp, dun think so much, jus let it be, tok to u again".
I duno if its jus me or wat. If i noe a fren who is going thru hard times lately. I will definately and automatically, without a doubt stay closer to my phone. I will be on standby mode, just in case when things really go bad. I guess tis is only when u truly care about someone bah.
Wendy who called me in the morning. She did not ask me anything (that was bein very sensitive, thank you. Coz i did not wan to cry jus before i work for my eyes were already very swollen and its hard to put on e make up), i knew she was jus checking if im alright. I told her i will call her during lunch time. I didnt. And without even asking, she called me back again after work, she did not even ask y i didnt call her or anything lidat (u noe how some ppl will say until like ur fault again). Thank you.
Yati, who accompanied my fri morning over msn. Thank you. With you around, time passes easier during work when its all hectic and stressful. Although you are the one who is the furthest away from knowing my story, ive realised i told u more than wat most of them noe. Coz u really read n digest my words. I am really glad you chatted with me that morning. It wasnt easy.
Jensen who smsed me from morning. Who offered to treat me to something good tmr, after he heard i lost my appetite and tt im broke. Thank you.
Dave, who smsed me from noon onwards. I smsed a few but as expected not everyone replied though. Dave is very sweet, he made me feel so much better. Although sadly, he jus went through a heartache himself. He understood wat i needed. Thanks.
Keith, who called me from work. And without asking again, he offered to meet me for dinner. Even though i had no idea wat to eat or where to go. He still met me. Even though he already had plans (i only found out about tt later in the night), he cancelled it to accompany me.
Its jus so sad when it comes to situations whereby ur close fren or frenz who knew you r upset, did not bother to say anything or do anything and u even had to ask if they can accompany u. I jus find tt so sad. Coz such things shd come naturally. U shdnt expect a depressed person to ask, coz that jus make them feel worst.
And u shdnt even think along the line of, "I shd jus let him/her calm down for awhile 1st be4 contacting him/her". Screw all of us who think tis way. U wan ur frenz to die isit? U duno how to read ppl one ar, ppl who r depressed always in denial mode one. Even if you really dun haf e time to meet, at least check out ur frenz lor... So hard meh?
I never allow them to ask. I will just do it, abeit forcefully at times. Lol. I will be like, i dun care. I jus wan to meet u. Haha. No matter how cold or strong u r as a person. I noe deep down, u will still need company.
Wendy again, who oso came down to meet me and Keith later in the night. She was so tired and she still needed to work the following day. Both of them stayed with me outside till about 2+am. We jus sat there and chatted about everything, mostly about SP Services though. Lol.
And lastly, SZ, who came down to amk to meet me for dinner on sat, ktv to drink with me (she let me sing most of the time, i did realise tt), and came over to sleep with me till sun night. Thanks for the company.
I guess, without all these ppl, it would be tougher, alot tougher.
While most made me feel better, one or two or three made me feel worst. Some got me back on smiles, some provoked me and made me almost cry again. Sigh. Then again, u cant blame them. Not everyone can handle people. Some are jus not the sensitive n considerate sort.
But bottom line is, i am so glad to have the rest of u guys around. I love you all so much.
I got back up pretty quick this time. I guess it jus wasnt long enuff for me to start loving him. And i am glad i dun haf to try anymore.
Im oso not saying i am 100% ok now, lest u see me sian sian or depressed again... But manageable though. It doesnt ache anymore. But at times when i think about it, its still there, jus a alittle.
I am jus getting used to the idea of losing a person who was once there for u. Even though he doesnt accompany me and practically wasnt there at all most of the time, but its jus e feeling of noeing someone is still there. Get e idea?
But im happier now. Though i cant really go back to the state before it all started coz things have changed. Ive given up and let go some things and i noe i won't be getting them back. Such are inevitable sacrifices.
But at least im not bothered by things in tis area anymore. I am so glad i am out of it.
So its time to continue movin on. Like wat Keith said, "Just start afresh again lor, from tis moment onwards, its jus like back to the usual days".
However, a few door ways are opened coz of him (my ex). Whether i will change or not, is up to me now.
SZ asked me if i would accept another relationship again, for the 1st time, i answered her "yes". But its different now.
I am playing a different game tis time.
But no more same age liao de wor... 1st and last time, they r jus not strong enuff...
2nd to Nicholas, Keith also said, "i think you shd jus stay single.", coz i will be very tong ku when i am in a relationship.
I oso say! Say so many times le somemore. Haha...
When i was toking to keith tt day, sometimes i will say "my bf ....", then Keith will say, "who ur bf?", i will say, "him lor". Then he will like exclaim, "Wat, that jerk! wat bf! forget him liao lor!".
Haha, i find that very funny.
Tmr is holiday! Think i'll jus slack n rest at home. Very tired leh... Enjoy ur public hol hor?
I guess so.
It seemed like i got over it within 18hrs. Ya, i jus looked at the clock and calculated...
At least im still alive, still able to smile & joke.
I'm alright & I got over the worst moments. And made myself go to work, though my fren insisted on calling my boss on my behalf to explain to him to allow me to take fri off.
I cannot do that one lor. And i am not the kind of person who does that.
Anyways, gonna have to thank some of u sweet little darlings.
I panicked and called the whole world around 1+am that night. Nobody picked up except Keith, although he was already asleep.
Though he wasnt able to keep up coz he was too tired. But i was really glad someone answered. He did joked and said luckily he wasnt dreamin about ghosts the next day. Coz if he did, then hearing a female crying over the phone and not saying anything at that hr is very creepy. Haha.
Also, gotta have to thank Ben, who called me back and stayed with me till 4+am.
These are the times when u will find out who really cares (though they always act tough and say they hack care abt u)even though you may not be particularly close with that person.
I am always reachable for others, ppl called me at crazy hours but never once i complained. Coz i understand how it feels when you really need someone to talk to or need someone by ur side, but you just cant get anybody, be it the hour.
I understand coz it had always been the case for me. When i say i will be there for you, anytime, i truly mean it. Unless seriously i did not managed to hear the ringing. I knoe sometimes how a phone call can change a person's fate. U never noe wat will happen to that person.
So as much as i can, i would never wan anybody i noe to go thru the same thing as i did.
Ppl always look for me when something happened, but never once have i found anyone like that until this time. This is the 1st time i actually felt i have frenz. Not those who can go out, chat, have fun with you.
But those whom stayed with you in times of need. Like me, they sacrificed their sleep, work, coz they know as a human, you are more important at that moment.
Its an irony that those who proclaimed, "I'll always be here whenever u really need me, U can always call me if u r down, i will definately get ur call or call u back asap" are never the ones who are there. Even if you happened to get them, they wouldnt really be bothered to hear you out. They will sound impatient, coz they didnt wan to get affected themselves, so they would tell u things like, "just go n slp, dun think so much, jus let it be, tok to u again".
I duno if its jus me or wat. If i noe a fren who is going thru hard times lately. I will definately and automatically, without a doubt stay closer to my phone. I will be on standby mode, just in case when things really go bad. I guess tis is only when u truly care about someone bah.
Wendy who called me in the morning. She did not ask me anything (that was bein very sensitive, thank you. Coz i did not wan to cry jus before i work for my eyes were already very swollen and its hard to put on e make up), i knew she was jus checking if im alright. I told her i will call her during lunch time. I didnt. And without even asking, she called me back again after work, she did not even ask y i didnt call her or anything lidat (u noe how some ppl will say until like ur fault again). Thank you.
Yati, who accompanied my fri morning over msn. Thank you. With you around, time passes easier during work when its all hectic and stressful. Although you are the one who is the furthest away from knowing my story, ive realised i told u more than wat most of them noe. Coz u really read n digest my words. I am really glad you chatted with me that morning. It wasnt easy.
Jensen who smsed me from morning. Who offered to treat me to something good tmr, after he heard i lost my appetite and tt im broke. Thank you.
Dave, who smsed me from noon onwards. I smsed a few but as expected not everyone replied though. Dave is very sweet, he made me feel so much better. Although sadly, he jus went through a heartache himself. He understood wat i needed. Thanks.
Keith, who called me from work. And without asking again, he offered to meet me for dinner. Even though i had no idea wat to eat or where to go. He still met me. Even though he already had plans (i only found out about tt later in the night), he cancelled it to accompany me.
Its jus so sad when it comes to situations whereby ur close fren or frenz who knew you r upset, did not bother to say anything or do anything and u even had to ask if they can accompany u. I jus find tt so sad. Coz such things shd come naturally. U shdnt expect a depressed person to ask, coz that jus make them feel worst.
And u shdnt even think along the line of, "I shd jus let him/her calm down for awhile 1st be4 contacting him/her". Screw all of us who think tis way. U wan ur frenz to die isit? U duno how to read ppl one ar, ppl who r depressed always in denial mode one. Even if you really dun haf e time to meet, at least check out ur frenz lor... So hard meh?
I never allow them to ask. I will just do it, abeit forcefully at times. Lol. I will be like, i dun care. I jus wan to meet u. Haha. No matter how cold or strong u r as a person. I noe deep down, u will still need company.
Wendy again, who oso came down to meet me and Keith later in the night. She was so tired and she still needed to work the following day. Both of them stayed with me outside till about 2+am. We jus sat there and chatted about everything, mostly about SP Services though. Lol.
And lastly, SZ, who came down to amk to meet me for dinner on sat, ktv to drink with me (she let me sing most of the time, i did realise tt), and came over to sleep with me till sun night. Thanks for the company.
I guess, without all these ppl, it would be tougher, alot tougher.
While most made me feel better, one or two or three made me feel worst. Some got me back on smiles, some provoked me and made me almost cry again. Sigh. Then again, u cant blame them. Not everyone can handle people. Some are jus not the sensitive n considerate sort.
But bottom line is, i am so glad to have the rest of u guys around. I love you all so much.
I got back up pretty quick this time. I guess it jus wasnt long enuff for me to start loving him. And i am glad i dun haf to try anymore.
Im oso not saying i am 100% ok now, lest u see me sian sian or depressed again... But manageable though. It doesnt ache anymore. But at times when i think about it, its still there, jus a alittle.
I am jus getting used to the idea of losing a person who was once there for u. Even though he doesnt accompany me and practically wasnt there at all most of the time, but its jus e feeling of noeing someone is still there. Get e idea?
But im happier now. Though i cant really go back to the state before it all started coz things have changed. Ive given up and let go some things and i noe i won't be getting them back. Such are inevitable sacrifices.
But at least im not bothered by things in tis area anymore. I am so glad i am out of it.
So its time to continue movin on. Like wat Keith said, "Just start afresh again lor, from tis moment onwards, its jus like back to the usual days".
However, a few door ways are opened coz of him (my ex). Whether i will change or not, is up to me now.
SZ asked me if i would accept another relationship again, for the 1st time, i answered her "yes". But its different now.
I am playing a different game tis time.
But no more same age liao de wor... 1st and last time, they r jus not strong enuff...
2nd to Nicholas, Keith also said, "i think you shd jus stay single.", coz i will be very tong ku when i am in a relationship.
I oso say! Say so many times le somemore. Haha...
When i was toking to keith tt day, sometimes i will say "my bf ....", then Keith will say, "who ur bf?", i will say, "him lor". Then he will like exclaim, "Wat, that jerk! wat bf! forget him liao lor!".
Haha, i find that very funny.
Tmr is holiday! Think i'll jus slack n rest at home. Very tired leh... Enjoy ur public hol hor?
Friday, April 27, 2007
Broken Up
We broke up yest night.
Let's leave this blog as it is for awhile.
Wait for me to return bah...
Let's leave this blog as it is for awhile.
Wait for me to return bah...
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Singing Dinosaur
Im so sleepy n tired... Didnt sleep well last night at all... Slept late oso though i was so sleepy... Sigh. Tis morning rain until i cannot wake up lor... Almost MC but cannot!
I dreamt i died twice. One was at genting. The hotel collapsed and i was in the room. It collapsed down the hill and into the valley... Damn scary, confirm die de lor...
Then 2nd dream was the aftermath or something. Going to be end of the world le. So it was before that. Then got tis restaurant tt sells famous da long bao (its huge compared to xiao long bao, think i was hungry). Inside hor, they got those huge ass aquarium where they kept monsters for showcase! Well, more like ugly dinosaurs bah... But tt restaurant damn magnificent! Then got one line of beautiful china waitresses standing in front of the aquarium waiting to serve guests de...
The dinosaurs can sing somemore, or at least tt scary one in the corner who was eyeing me...
But his singing was horrible though... At 1st i thot hes growling, then it became more like trying to tell me something... Very coarse and husky, then i realised hes actually singing, mandarin somemore! Awful voice underwater... It took me so long before i realised hes singing Lee Hom's Di Yi Ge Qing Chen to me... KNS. Duno wat e hell...
Then e corner waitress who was standing in line before the glass, turned around n rolled her eye balls at the monster. And gave me a look as if to say, get used to it... lol... Damn funny.
Needless to say, later they escaped lor, they survive on land oso... The restaurant was at a building that look like suntec tower. Hmm...
But before tt, jus when i heard building collapsing and all, thinking e monsters escaped (was ready to run, coz ive dreamt of such dreams too many times i noe wat to do liao). Ended up was tt ppl were throwing down all the dao long bao from upstairs the restaurant, down for us to eat... Coz we going to end of world le mah... So we were all grabbing the famous dao long bao... Haha... I still remember the taste somemore.
SZ grabbed alot. She took pork, vege and prawns de... But she said the green one (vege) the best. As expected of her!
Then it was more food and more eating. It was so shiok coz everyone knew it was going to be end of the world... We all started eating for free... There were many places (buffets) which were left unattended, so we public just went in to eat n help ourselves...
Gosh i mus be damn hungry...
Yest kept raining wor, how to jog lidat... Marvin n Kavan jio me go gym, said cfm no rain, haha... I dun wan, i still wan go jog outdoor... Then Marvin cursed me say sure rain non stop... Lol
In the end, i went to zz, jus when i was about to doze off, Marvin called... Woke me, chat while he was waiting for Kavan to pick him up. Ask them come pick me they dun wan... So end up 8+ liao, i decided to jog coz rain stopped.
I walk to stadium, closed liao... KNN.
So i ran ard the neighbourhood and started to rain wor... THen i hack care continued to run lor. Finished liao i go buy my fav ginger warm beancurd. Sat down stairs to eat... Damn shiok ok?
Then i went back do some chores, watch tv, study abit then zz le...
Wanted to go club de, coz Marvin jio me accompany him with his coz mates... But then we couldnt find more ppl and i dun wan to be wif all the xiao di dis... Makes me feel so auntie. Ended up i asked him to cancel... Haha...
In the end all healthy living le lor... All go exercise...
But yest didnt jog enuff... Sigh...
Tonight after my thing, maybe i go again. Later see how bah. After work will be so rushed.
I dreamt i died twice. One was at genting. The hotel collapsed and i was in the room. It collapsed down the hill and into the valley... Damn scary, confirm die de lor...
Then 2nd dream was the aftermath or something. Going to be end of the world le. So it was before that. Then got tis restaurant tt sells famous da long bao (its huge compared to xiao long bao, think i was hungry). Inside hor, they got those huge ass aquarium where they kept monsters for showcase! Well, more like ugly dinosaurs bah... But tt restaurant damn magnificent! Then got one line of beautiful china waitresses standing in front of the aquarium waiting to serve guests de...
The dinosaurs can sing somemore, or at least tt scary one in the corner who was eyeing me...
But his singing was horrible though... At 1st i thot hes growling, then it became more like trying to tell me something... Very coarse and husky, then i realised hes actually singing, mandarin somemore! Awful voice underwater... It took me so long before i realised hes singing Lee Hom's Di Yi Ge Qing Chen to me... KNS. Duno wat e hell...
Then e corner waitress who was standing in line before the glass, turned around n rolled her eye balls at the monster. And gave me a look as if to say, get used to it... lol... Damn funny.
Needless to say, later they escaped lor, they survive on land oso... The restaurant was at a building that look like suntec tower. Hmm...
But before tt, jus when i heard building collapsing and all, thinking e monsters escaped (was ready to run, coz ive dreamt of such dreams too many times i noe wat to do liao). Ended up was tt ppl were throwing down all the dao long bao from upstairs the restaurant, down for us to eat... Coz we going to end of world le mah... So we were all grabbing the famous dao long bao... Haha... I still remember the taste somemore.
SZ grabbed alot. She took pork, vege and prawns de... But she said the green one (vege) the best. As expected of her!
Then it was more food and more eating. It was so shiok coz everyone knew it was going to be end of the world... We all started eating for free... There were many places (buffets) which were left unattended, so we public just went in to eat n help ourselves...
Gosh i mus be damn hungry...
Yest kept raining wor, how to jog lidat... Marvin n Kavan jio me go gym, said cfm no rain, haha... I dun wan, i still wan go jog outdoor... Then Marvin cursed me say sure rain non stop... Lol
In the end, i went to zz, jus when i was about to doze off, Marvin called... Woke me, chat while he was waiting for Kavan to pick him up. Ask them come pick me they dun wan... So end up 8+ liao, i decided to jog coz rain stopped.
I walk to stadium, closed liao... KNN.
So i ran ard the neighbourhood and started to rain wor... THen i hack care continued to run lor. Finished liao i go buy my fav ginger warm beancurd. Sat down stairs to eat... Damn shiok ok?
Then i went back do some chores, watch tv, study abit then zz le...
Wanted to go club de, coz Marvin jio me accompany him with his coz mates... But then we couldnt find more ppl and i dun wan to be wif all the xiao di dis... Makes me feel so auntie. Ended up i asked him to cancel... Haha...
In the end all healthy living le lor... All go exercise...
But yest didnt jog enuff... Sigh...
Tonight after my thing, maybe i go again. Later see how bah. After work will be so rushed.
Sian
Im so sleepy n tired... Didnt sleep well last night at all... Slept late osom though i was so sleepy... Sigh.
Yest kept raining wor, how to jog lidat... Marvin n Kavan jio me go gym, said cfm no rain, haha... I dun wan, i still wan go jog outdoor... Then Marvin cursed me say sure rain non stop... Lol
In the end, i went to zz, jus when i was about to doze off, Marvin called... Woke me, chat while he was waiting for Kavan to pick him up. Ask them come pick me they dun wan... So end up 8+ liao, i decided to jog coz rain stopped.
I walk to stadium, closed liao... KNN.
So i ran ard the neighbourhood and started to rain wor... THen i hack care continued to run lor. Finished liao i go buy my fav ginger warm beancurd. Sat down stairs to eat... Damn shiok ok?
Then i went back do some chores, watch tv, study abit then zz le...
Wanted to go club de, coz Marvin jio me accompany him with his coz mates... But then we couldnt find more ppl and i dun wan to be wif all the xiao di dis... Makes me feel so auntie. Ended up i asked him to cancel... Haha...
In the end all healthy living le lor... All go exercise...
But yest didnt jog enuff... Sigh...
Tonight after my thing, maybe i go again. Later see how bah. After work will be so rushed.
Yest kept raining wor, how to jog lidat... Marvin n Kavan jio me go gym, said cfm no rain, haha... I dun wan, i still wan go jog outdoor... Then Marvin cursed me say sure rain non stop... Lol
In the end, i went to zz, jus when i was about to doze off, Marvin called... Woke me, chat while he was waiting for Kavan to pick him up. Ask them come pick me they dun wan... So end up 8+ liao, i decided to jog coz rain stopped.
I walk to stadium, closed liao... KNN.
So i ran ard the neighbourhood and started to rain wor... THen i hack care continued to run lor. Finished liao i go buy my fav ginger warm beancurd. Sat down stairs to eat... Damn shiok ok?
Then i went back do some chores, watch tv, study abit then zz le...
Wanted to go club de, coz Marvin jio me accompany him with his coz mates... But then we couldnt find more ppl and i dun wan to be wif all the xiao di dis... Makes me feel so auntie. Ended up i asked him to cancel... Haha...
In the end all healthy living le lor... All go exercise...
But yest didnt jog enuff... Sigh...
Tonight after my thing, maybe i go again. Later see how bah. After work will be so rushed.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Not Lost
Thanks Astra.
I have a meeting at 4pm, and i need to prepare some materials. Then again, think i need a short break now thus im here. Muahahahah...
Im not so sure about this relationship though. Its not going well at all, we didnt even have any "honeymoon" period. I wasnt ready, he was ready but not anymore (after he realised how difficult it is). And we sort of neglected one another tis few days, coz its jus not working.
Then again, i guess we have to give it some time.
I can only say time will tell. TIME WILL TELL...
Ive given up too many times in tis. The last i said was the last sunday morning at his place. When he was jus about to sleep, in his gone state.
I whispered:
"Sorry."
"For?"
"Ive given up..."
"Given up wat?"
"You..."
"Sigh... Dun think about it le."
Then he hugged the wide awake me and slept.
Im not sure if he remembers. But i think he did.
Coz we drifted already.
So now im jus getting used to all tis. I guess its jus gd training for me. Makes me a harder person. Ive always wanted to be tough, heartless and hard. So tt i would not get affected by things.
I told my fren i couldnt work now coz i am so affected. And unlike man who can easily throw their thots aside and carry on with their daily routine, women jus take it harder.
But im doing fine now i guess. My mood from rock bottom has gone up. I guess like wat ppl say, when you are at rock bottom, theres no way to go except upwards.
But i think its thanks to the jog yesterday. I totally enjoyed it. My mood immediately picked up 80%. Or isit coz of the choc i took be4 i ran? Hmm... Or isit coz of the music i was listening to when i jogged? Coz i found it easier... I still have not lost my form. And im glad. But my leg injury is still with me. Sigh.
Im doing it again tonight, hoping to make it a routine, but i cant make it tmr coz i got an appointment. Maybe later? See how bah.
I love the mental torture when u had to push urself forward when you cant. I love the beads of sweat pouring down ur body. I love the adrenaline rush in your blood.
I love it when i look in the mirror, i see myself covered in sweat and in a nearly see thru tee (coz of e sweat). And the sweat beads appearing thru my make up, and my make up doesnt smudge, keke. I find it extremely sexy. Lol. Makes me have the urge.
I couldnt sleep last night, not sure isit coz of these things happening or isit coz i slept too much on mon night. I hope its e latter. Or so i consoled myself.
Mons and Tues are always the hardest for me. Coz i will be very caught up with work and i will be damn stressed. Ive always hope there will be someone, be it a close fren to help ease me during early part of weekdays. Then again, ive been going thru these myself. Maybe it shd jus still tis way.
No matter where tis goes. I guess its not at all wasted. Ive changed meanwhile and i think ive become tougher again, not that im not tough enuff for those who knoe me. But i wan to be tougher, like steel. Like cold blooded. I wan to be cold and hard.
I guess we r still trying bah. Or at least trying to let time tell. Perhaps its true that some things arent there anymore. We dun tok about it already, in fact we dun tok already, jus short words of safety only.
Im kinda numb to tis already... Going to the immune stage. But tis is fine. If i can becum immune tts great. Coz if it happens again, at least i can still carry on.
Ironically, today is our one mth.
What a long mth it had been.
Living is already really difficult, y make relationship the same.
My 8th relationship. He took the lucky number away.
Keep smiling, Celestine. Im sure u'll be fine, jus like always~~~
I have a meeting at 4pm, and i need to prepare some materials. Then again, think i need a short break now thus im here. Muahahahah...
Im not so sure about this relationship though. Its not going well at all, we didnt even have any "honeymoon" period. I wasnt ready, he was ready but not anymore (after he realised how difficult it is). And we sort of neglected one another tis few days, coz its jus not working.
Then again, i guess we have to give it some time.
I can only say time will tell. TIME WILL TELL...
Ive given up too many times in tis. The last i said was the last sunday morning at his place. When he was jus about to sleep, in his gone state.
I whispered:
"Sorry."
"For?"
"Ive given up..."
"Given up wat?"
"You..."
"Sigh... Dun think about it le."
Then he hugged the wide awake me and slept.
Im not sure if he remembers. But i think he did.
Coz we drifted already.
So now im jus getting used to all tis. I guess its jus gd training for me. Makes me a harder person. Ive always wanted to be tough, heartless and hard. So tt i would not get affected by things.
I told my fren i couldnt work now coz i am so affected. And unlike man who can easily throw their thots aside and carry on with their daily routine, women jus take it harder.
But im doing fine now i guess. My mood from rock bottom has gone up. I guess like wat ppl say, when you are at rock bottom, theres no way to go except upwards.
But i think its thanks to the jog yesterday. I totally enjoyed it. My mood immediately picked up 80%. Or isit coz of the choc i took be4 i ran? Hmm... Or isit coz of the music i was listening to when i jogged? Coz i found it easier... I still have not lost my form. And im glad. But my leg injury is still with me. Sigh.
Im doing it again tonight, hoping to make it a routine, but i cant make it tmr coz i got an appointment. Maybe later? See how bah.
I love the mental torture when u had to push urself forward when you cant. I love the beads of sweat pouring down ur body. I love the adrenaline rush in your blood.
I love it when i look in the mirror, i see myself covered in sweat and in a nearly see thru tee (coz of e sweat). And the sweat beads appearing thru my make up, and my make up doesnt smudge, keke. I find it extremely sexy. Lol. Makes me have the urge.
I couldnt sleep last night, not sure isit coz of these things happening or isit coz i slept too much on mon night. I hope its e latter. Or so i consoled myself.
Mons and Tues are always the hardest for me. Coz i will be very caught up with work and i will be damn stressed. Ive always hope there will be someone, be it a close fren to help ease me during early part of weekdays. Then again, ive been going thru these myself. Maybe it shd jus still tis way.
No matter where tis goes. I guess its not at all wasted. Ive changed meanwhile and i think ive become tougher again, not that im not tough enuff for those who knoe me. But i wan to be tougher, like steel. Like cold blooded. I wan to be cold and hard.
I guess we r still trying bah. Or at least trying to let time tell. Perhaps its true that some things arent there anymore. We dun tok about it already, in fact we dun tok already, jus short words of safety only.
Im kinda numb to tis already... Going to the immune stage. But tis is fine. If i can becum immune tts great. Coz if it happens again, at least i can still carry on.
Ironically, today is our one mth.
What a long mth it had been.
Living is already really difficult, y make relationship the same.
My 8th relationship. He took the lucky number away.
Keep smiling, Celestine. Im sure u'll be fine, jus like always~~~
Monday, April 23, 2007
Attached
I was obviously back like wat, 2 weeks ago?
But having gone through alot of issues over the past 2 weeks which left me with no mood to blog at all. I am having prob working, let alone to blog.
U noe wat affects me? Humans, which is y i prefer to be alone. And u noe wat kind of humans tt affect me personally? Frenz and lovers. And u noe who affects me greatly? Enuff to make me lose my zz, mood to work, moltivation and even change me? A Lover.
YES.
I am attached. Coming a mth in a couple of days actually. In wat already seemed like ages. And thats not a positive comment.
Under normal circumstances, i would not have gone into it again. Especially since ive kept myself single for the past 2 yrs. But there was something in tis one, that was different. I had stopped knowing guys since 2 yrs back to prevent myself from gettin attached easily.
I am hard to get, but i am not without weakness.
I noe as long as i close the newer options, i would be safe. Working circle is fine, i am very firm by that. I do not entertain colleague skirt chasers. Work is work, its jus business. But not socially. Socially its hard to stay very firm. Coz ultimately, u are toking social here.
I noe my weaknesses. If the guy noes how to work me, he will get me, definately, for I do not judge looks, height and richness. He will nail it if he knoe how. Even when i do not fall for him, coz my love can be nurtured.
But tis time he came so naturally, i cant even stop it. And god damn it, hes a damn gd mind player. He read me and he got it. But duno he suay or wat lah... Guys with me all no gd ending de lor...
But thats another thing altogether. I'll tok about tis another time.
Will post the genting pics after tis week.
But having gone through alot of issues over the past 2 weeks which left me with no mood to blog at all. I am having prob working, let alone to blog.
U noe wat affects me? Humans, which is y i prefer to be alone. And u noe wat kind of humans tt affect me personally? Frenz and lovers. And u noe who affects me greatly? Enuff to make me lose my zz, mood to work, moltivation and even change me? A Lover.
YES.
I am attached. Coming a mth in a couple of days actually. In wat already seemed like ages. And thats not a positive comment.
Under normal circumstances, i would not have gone into it again. Especially since ive kept myself single for the past 2 yrs. But there was something in tis one, that was different. I had stopped knowing guys since 2 yrs back to prevent myself from gettin attached easily.
I am hard to get, but i am not without weakness.
I noe as long as i close the newer options, i would be safe. Working circle is fine, i am very firm by that. I do not entertain colleague skirt chasers. Work is work, its jus business. But not socially. Socially its hard to stay very firm. Coz ultimately, u are toking social here.
I noe my weaknesses. If the guy noes how to work me, he will get me, definately, for I do not judge looks, height and richness. He will nail it if he knoe how. Even when i do not fall for him, coz my love can be nurtured.
But tis time he came so naturally, i cant even stop it. And god damn it, hes a damn gd mind player. He read me and he got it. But duno he suay or wat lah... Guys with me all no gd ending de lor...
But thats another thing altogether. I'll tok about tis another time.
Will post the genting pics after tis week.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Away For The Long Weekend
Im in the office as usual. Terribly sick, horribly weak... Sigh...
And im going Genting tonight. Good gracious me... Sigh...
Im so sick, so sleepy, think i will finally get to sleep tonight... Guess i might be able to sleep throughout the coach for the 1st time...
Gonna get more medicine to bring over after work.
Meeting Wendy n Marvin for dinner before my departure. Aint them sweet, though Wendy's going with me to Genting of coz. Lol.
I will be back sun night, late at night. Sigh. If only i can get mon leave... But tts impossible.
Tataz...
Take gd care of urself while im gone okie? Must miss me wor...
And im going Genting tonight. Good gracious me... Sigh...
Im so sick, so sleepy, think i will finally get to sleep tonight... Guess i might be able to sleep throughout the coach for the 1st time...
Gonna get more medicine to bring over after work.
Meeting Wendy n Marvin for dinner before my departure. Aint them sweet, though Wendy's going with me to Genting of coz. Lol.
I will be back sun night, late at night. Sigh. If only i can get mon leave... But tts impossible.
Tataz...
Take gd care of urself while im gone okie? Must miss me wor...
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