Back & Thank You All

I am fine liao.

I guess so.

It seemed like i got over it within 18hrs. Ya, i jus looked at the clock and calculated...

At least im still alive, still able to smile & joke.

I'm alright & I got over the worst moments. And made myself go to work, though my fren insisted on calling my boss on my behalf to explain to him to allow me to take fri off.

I cannot do that one lor. And i am not the kind of person who does that.

Anyways, gonna have to thank some of u sweet little darlings.

I panicked and called the whole world around 1+am that night. Nobody picked up except Keith, although he was already asleep.

Though he wasnt able to keep up coz he was too tired. But i was really glad someone answered. He did joked and said luckily he wasnt dreamin about ghosts the next day. Coz if he did, then hearing a female crying over the phone and not saying anything at that hr is very creepy. Haha.

Also, gotta have to thank Ben, who called me back and stayed with me till 4+am.

These are the times when u will find out who really cares (though they always act tough and say they hack care abt u)even though you may not be particularly close with that person.

I am always reachable for others, ppl called me at crazy hours but never once i complained. Coz i understand how it feels when you really need someone to talk to or need someone by ur side, but you just cant get anybody, be it the hour.

I understand coz it had always been the case for me. When i say i will be there for you, anytime, i truly mean it. Unless seriously i did not managed to hear the ringing. I knoe sometimes how a phone call can change a person's fate. U never noe wat will happen to that person.

So as much as i can, i would never wan anybody i noe to go thru the same thing as i did.

Ppl always look for me when something happened, but never once have i found anyone like that until this time. This is the 1st time i actually felt i have frenz. Not those who can go out, chat, have fun with you.

But those whom stayed with you in times of need. Like me, they sacrificed their sleep, work, coz they know as a human, you are more important at that moment.

Its an irony that those who proclaimed, "I'll always be here whenever u really need me, U can always call me if u r down, i will definately get ur call or call u back asap" are never the ones who are there. Even if you happened to get them, they wouldnt really be bothered to hear you out. They will sound impatient, coz they didnt wan to get affected themselves, so they would tell u things like, "just go n slp, dun think so much, jus let it be, tok to u again".

I duno if its jus me or wat. If i noe a fren who is going thru hard times lately. I will definately and automatically, without a doubt stay closer to my phone. I will be on standby mode, just in case when things really go bad. I guess tis is only when u truly care about someone bah.

Wendy who called me in the morning. She did not ask me anything (that was bein very sensitive, thank you. Coz i did not wan to cry jus before i work for my eyes were already very swollen and its hard to put on e make up), i knew she was jus checking if im alright. I told her i will call her during lunch time. I didnt. And without even asking, she called me back again after work, she did not even ask y i didnt call her or anything lidat (u noe how some ppl will say until like ur fault again). Thank you.

Yati, who accompanied my fri morning over msn. Thank you. With you around, time passes easier during work when its all hectic and stressful. Although you are the one who is the furthest away from knowing my story, ive realised i told u more than wat most of them noe. Coz u really read n digest my words. I am really glad you chatted with me that morning. It wasnt easy.

Jensen who smsed me from morning. Who offered to treat me to something good tmr, after he heard i lost my appetite and tt im broke. Thank you.

Dave, who smsed me from noon onwards. I smsed a few but as expected not everyone replied though. Dave is very sweet, he made me feel so much better. Although sadly, he jus went through a heartache himself. He understood wat i needed. Thanks.

Keith, who called me from work. And without asking again, he offered to meet me for dinner. Even though i had no idea wat to eat or where to go. He still met me. Even though he already had plans (i only found out about tt later in the night), he cancelled it to accompany me.

Its jus so sad when it comes to situations whereby ur close fren or frenz who knew you r upset, did not bother to say anything or do anything and u even had to ask if they can accompany u. I jus find tt so sad. Coz such things shd come naturally. U shdnt expect a depressed person to ask, coz that jus make them feel worst.

And u shdnt even think along the line of, "I shd jus let him/her calm down for awhile 1st be4 contacting him/her". Screw all of us who think tis way. U wan ur frenz to die isit? U duno how to read ppl one ar, ppl who r depressed always in denial mode one. Even if you really dun haf e time to meet, at least check out ur frenz lor... So hard meh?

I never allow them to ask. I will just do it, abeit forcefully at times. Lol. I will be like, i dun care. I jus wan to meet u. Haha. No matter how cold or strong u r as a person. I noe deep down, u will still need company.

Wendy again, who oso came down to meet me and Keith later in the night. She was so tired and she still needed to work the following day. Both of them stayed with me outside till about 2+am. We jus sat there and chatted about everything, mostly about SP Services though. Lol.

And lastly, SZ, who came down to amk to meet me for dinner on sat, ktv to drink with me (she let me sing most of the time, i did realise tt), and came over to sleep with me till sun night. Thanks for the company.

I guess, without all these ppl, it would be tougher, alot tougher.

While most made me feel better, one or two or three made me feel worst. Some got me back on smiles, some provoked me and made me almost cry again. Sigh. Then again, u cant blame them. Not everyone can handle people. Some are jus not the sensitive n considerate sort.

But bottom line is, i am so glad to have the rest of u guys around. I love you all so much.

I got back up pretty quick this time. I guess it jus wasnt long enuff for me to start loving him. And i am glad i dun haf to try anymore.

Im oso not saying i am 100% ok now, lest u see me sian sian or depressed again... But manageable though. It doesnt ache anymore. But at times when i think about it, its still there, jus a alittle.

I am jus getting used to the idea of losing a person who was once there for u. Even though he doesnt accompany me and practically wasnt there at all most of the time, but its jus e feeling of noeing someone is still there. Get e idea?

But im happier now. Though i cant really go back to the state before it all started coz things have changed. Ive given up and let go some things and i noe i won't be getting them back. Such are inevitable sacrifices.

But at least im not bothered by things in tis area anymore. I am so glad i am out of it.

So its time to continue movin on. Like wat Keith said, "Just start afresh again lor, from tis moment onwards, its jus like back to the usual days".

However, a few door ways are opened coz of him (my ex). Whether i will change or not, is up to me now.

SZ asked me if i would accept another relationship again, for the 1st time, i answered her "yes". But its different now.

I am playing a different game tis time.

But no more same age liao de wor... 1st and last time, they r jus not strong enuff...

2nd to Nicholas, Keith also said, "i think you shd jus stay single.", coz i will be very tong ku when i am in a relationship.

I oso say! Say so many times le somemore. Haha...

When i was toking to keith tt day, sometimes i will say "my bf ....", then Keith will say, "who ur bf?", i will say, "him lor". Then he will like exclaim, "Wat, that jerk! wat bf! forget him liao lor!".

Haha, i find that very funny.

Tmr is holiday! Think i'll jus slack n rest at home. Very tired leh... Enjoy ur public hol hor?