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Clearing my mails and i saw this which i wrote some time back.

Thot of placing it down here, of coz, this is just an abstract of it.

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I should be strong, or so i thot.

I have no idea where to channel all these pent up frustrations, all the injustice, all the sufferings.

I will shatter soon if i contain all these any further.

I wish i can find one opportunity and get pissed drunk. And using the alcohol in my blood, let everything out, voice out all my unhappiness to someone i can trust. I jus wan the person to listen, to watch over me, and i shall get emotional, and i'll breakdown and cry nonstop. The person to look at me releasing, look at me breaking, stay by my side, be with me, stay with me through the moment.

And then i will get too tired and drained, the person will send me home, put me to bed. Gently stroking my forehead and holding my hands, the person shall say, "Things are going to get better, as long as u carry on breathing. Better days will surely come to you. Just cry out, as loud as u can, as much as u wan, it is ok for celestine to cry. Jus cry."

Then i will start bawling, but this time i will jus plainly cry, with no words. Alas, when my body finally gives in, i shall whisper to the person who held my hands so tight, "Thank you". And i'll drift off to sleep.

Next day, i shall awake to a fresher me. Starting anew. After the previous night, i will feel like the luckiest person in the world, someone was really there for me. I shall quit heavy drinking, i will tell myself this is the last time. Let everything go, drop all the unneccessary ppl, start afresh, start from scratch. From that moment on, find a better job, build up my finances, know more new ppl, new wardrobe, new accessories, change all my stuffs to new, groom myself again, stay cheerful and happy, or at least at ease, bring back the social butterfly (which ive lost) in me, bring back my wittiness, build up my life again, focus on a career, but oso always rewarding and pampering myself and last but not least save money to buy my own house one day.

I jus wan the old emo, dramatic, miserable, promblematic Celestine to go away.

This is the only thing my heart really wans now... Jus someone there to see thru it. Jus this one night. I wan nothing more. Just this one time to drop everything and move on...

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I guess thats enuff said...