Need to document the date for my own reference, i always haf prob remembering when i donated. Especially when they rarely update my online blood donation database... Especially when they take ages to send me back my donation card, which is jus a lousy piece of crappy paper.
Next donation will be 1 Dec onwards, this is easy to remember. Anyways, i can search my blog now.
I literally fainted when i went on sat. Coz i did not had any food or more water and i was also having menses. So i basically fainted at home, after making a trip to Raffles City for some shopping, and after making a trip to Cineleisure for a smoke with Marvin.
My sis said after waking me n asking me wats wrong, "u wan to faint go faint on ur own bed, i wan to watch shows". -____-"
Anyways, this time was fast n quiet too, i now know wat time to donate liao. Lol. It was interesting as well. One cute guy was 2 beds away from me, and then came in a hoard of students from NTU, led by a oso quite cute guy wearing suit from HSA explaining to them all abt blood donation, the procedure etc.
And then they used the cute guy to show them the whole process. It was quite fun listening to the other cute guy. I certainly learnt more, though i still wanted to ask tis qns, "Y do they take 4 tubes of samples from each donor, whereas they need to take 6 for me?"
The other cutie said, they take 4 samples, 1 to test HIV AIDS, 1 to test SYPHILLIS, 1 to test MALARIA, and other one i cant remember. Then my other 2 leh? For wat one?
There were a few male students who were quite irritating though. They kept scaring the female beside me, lol. But i dun like her either.
Due to lack of water, and the overloaded red wine the previous night, my blood was super thick. And strangely, it was smoother this time... My blood flowed for the fastest ever, the nurse was so shock. Lol. She kept sayin, "So fast!".
I mus be broken a record. I was pretty amazed too at how fast it ended. Lol. It was like, eh, over liao?
Usually it will take abt 3-7 mins, often from wat i saw its like 5-10 mins.
U do see those poor fellas whose blood couldnt flow, having a hard time.
Mine came under 3 mins tis time. Lol.
Did the cuties gave me the adrenaline rush, and made my heart pump faster?
Lol. K la, enuff abt blood.
Having alittle stroke of luck, i managed to book my final theory test date online a moment ago. Lol, i tried once yest, no slots, today i went in to see see look look but not hoping much and i saw tt bloody 8pm slot... Muahaha...
No need to head down liao... Though its jus 20mins from my place. And i paid 80cents more to do it online. Lol.
This is so boring.
Be back later or something.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Driving
My private driving course expired in oct. Just extended for 6 mths but i couldnt book a date for the final theory. Got to head down to SSDC for more nite slots.
I didnt go to the test on last fri. Kinda forgotten abt it and went for the movie with SZ. I didnt study again so no loss, however wasted 12 bucks obviously.
Next slot is Nov. Think i die die got to force myself to study bah. And go for it oso. Sian.
My course will expire 10 Apr... Hopefully done by then. But i doubt so obviously...
...
I didnt go to the test on last fri. Kinda forgotten abt it and went for the movie with SZ. I didnt study again so no loss, however wasted 12 bucks obviously.
Next slot is Nov. Think i die die got to force myself to study bah. And go for it oso. Sian.
My course will expire 10 Apr... Hopefully done by then. But i doubt so obviously...
...
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Too long, CUT!!!!
You know your nails are waaayyy too long when...
- u no longer type on ur keyboard with ur fingers, u r typing with ur nails, except the space bar
- when u try to use ur finger tip to type one key, ur nail types the letter above it together
- u feel slight tingly discomfort typin with ur nails
- u have zero finger tip contact when pressing the lift storey buttons, u bend ur finger and use ur finger joint
- ur finger tips no longer touch any flat surface areas
- u try to turn the knob of your office cabinets, only ur nails got in
- u press the top nozzle of ur air fresherner, u spray into ur own nail
I need to cut them... But im lazy coz it takes a long time to cut, trim, file, or even buff...
Sucks to be female...
Your Score: 6 - the Questioner
Edit: I jus went to see the other 4 options they gave... I am pretty much everything combined... Lol. So im posting everything but i'll highlight those points tt describe me.
I didnt copy the pics coz i duno how to... Lol...
Anyways, the pics will dictate im not a six... But the results are true though.
you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX (aka "The Loyalist").
"I am affectionate and skeptical"
Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.
How to Get Along with Me
Be direct and clear.
Listen to me carefully.
Don't judge me for my anxiety.
Work things through with me.
Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
Laugh and make jokes with me.
Gently push me toward new experiences.
Try not to overreact to my overreacting.
What I Like About Being a SIX - I dun like all these... They are weaknesses of which affects my living... Lol
being committed and faithful to family and friends
being responsible and hardworking
being compassionate toward others
having intellect and wit
being a nonconformist
confronting danger bravely
being direct and assertive
What's Hard About Being a SIX
the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations
SIXes as Children Often
are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent
SIXes as Parents
are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
worry more than most that their children will get hurt
sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries
you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT (aka "The Challenger").
"I must be strong"
Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.
How to Get Along with Me
Stand up for yourself... and me.
Be confident, strong, and direct.
Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
Give me space to be alone.
Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.
What I Like About Being a EIGHT
being independent and self-reliant
being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
being courageous, straightforward, and honest
getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
upholding just causes
What's Hard About Being a EIGHT
overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
never forgetting injuries or injustices
putting too much pressure on myself
getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right
EIGHTs as Children Often
are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
are sometimes loners
seize control so they won't be controlled
fugure out others' weaknesses
attack verbally or physically when provoked
take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings
EIGHTs as Parents
are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
are sometimes overprotective
can be demanding, controlling, and rigid
you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO (aka "The Charmer").
"I must help others"
Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.
How to Get Along with Me
Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.
In Intimate Relationships
Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.
What I Like About Being a TWO
being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor
What's Hard About Being a TWO
not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings
TWOs as Children Often
are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
are outwardly compliant
are popular or try to be popular with other children
act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted TWOs), or quiet and shy (the more introverted TWOs)
TWOs as Parents
are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
are often playful with their children
wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
can become fiercely protective
you chose CZ - your Enneagram type is ONE (aka "The Reformer").
"I do everything the right way"
Perfectionists are realistic, conscientious, and principled. They strive to live up to their high ideals.
How to Get Along with Me
Take your share of the responsibility so I don't end up with all the work.
Acknowledge my achievements.
I'm hard on myself. Reassure me that I'm fine the way I am.
Tell me that you value my advice.
Be fair and considerate, as I am.
Apologize if you have been unthoughtful. It will help me to forgive.
Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh at myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.
What I Like About Being a ONE
being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal
working hard to make the world a better place
having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself
being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do
being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions
being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people
What's Hard About Being a ONE
being disappointed with myself or others when my expectations are not met
feeling burdened by too much responsibility
thinking that what I do is never good enough
not being appreciated for what I do for people
being upset because others aren't trying as hard as I am
obsessing about what I did or what I should do
being tense, anxious, and taking things too seriously
ONEs as Children Often
criticize themselves in anticipation of criticism from others
refrain from doing things that they think might not come out perfect
focus on living up to the expectations of their parents and teachers
are very responsible; may assume the role of parent
hold back negative emotions ("good children aren't angry")
ONEs as Parents
teach their children responsibility and strong moral values
are consistent and fair
discipline firmly
I didnt copy the pics coz i duno how to... Lol...
Anyways, the pics will dictate im not a six... But the results are true though.
you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX (aka "The Loyalist").
"I am affectionate and skeptical"
Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.
How to Get Along with Me
Be direct and clear.
Listen to me carefully.
Don't judge me for my anxiety.
Work things through with me.
Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
Laugh and make jokes with me.
Gently push me toward new experiences.
Try not to overreact to my overreacting.
What I Like About Being a SIX - I dun like all these... They are weaknesses of which affects my living... Lol
being committed and faithful to family and friends
being responsible and hardworking
being compassionate toward others
having intellect and wit
being a nonconformist
confronting danger bravely
being direct and assertive
What's Hard About Being a SIX
the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations
SIXes as Children Often
are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent
SIXes as Parents
are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
worry more than most that their children will get hurt
sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries
you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT (aka "The Challenger").
"I must be strong"
Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.
How to Get Along with Me
Stand up for yourself... and me.
Be confident, strong, and direct.
Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
Give me space to be alone.
Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.
What I Like About Being a EIGHT
being independent and self-reliant
being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
being courageous, straightforward, and honest
getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
upholding just causes
What's Hard About Being a EIGHT
overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
never forgetting injuries or injustices
putting too much pressure on myself
getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right
EIGHTs as Children Often
are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
are sometimes loners
seize control so they won't be controlled
fugure out others' weaknesses
attack verbally or physically when provoked
take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings
EIGHTs as Parents
are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
are sometimes overprotective
can be demanding, controlling, and rigid
you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO (aka "The Charmer").
"I must help others"
Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.
How to Get Along with Me
Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.
In Intimate Relationships
Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.
What I Like About Being a TWO
being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor
What's Hard About Being a TWO
not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings
TWOs as Children Often
are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
are outwardly compliant
are popular or try to be popular with other children
act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted TWOs), or quiet and shy (the more introverted TWOs)
TWOs as Parents
are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
are often playful with their children
wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
can become fiercely protective
you chose CZ - your Enneagram type is ONE (aka "The Reformer").
"I do everything the right way"
Perfectionists are realistic, conscientious, and principled. They strive to live up to their high ideals.
How to Get Along with Me
Take your share of the responsibility so I don't end up with all the work.
Acknowledge my achievements.
I'm hard on myself. Reassure me that I'm fine the way I am.
Tell me that you value my advice.
Be fair and considerate, as I am.
Apologize if you have been unthoughtful. It will help me to forgive.
Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh at myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.
What I Like About Being a ONE
being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal
working hard to make the world a better place
having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself
being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do
being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions
being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people
What's Hard About Being a ONE
being disappointed with myself or others when my expectations are not met
feeling burdened by too much responsibility
thinking that what I do is never good enough
not being appreciated for what I do for people
being upset because others aren't trying as hard as I am
obsessing about what I did or what I should do
being tense, anxious, and taking things too seriously
ONEs as Children Often
criticize themselves in anticipation of criticism from others
refrain from doing things that they think might not come out perfect
focus on living up to the expectations of their parents and teachers
are very responsible; may assume the role of parent
hold back negative emotions ("good children aren't angry")
ONEs as Parents
teach their children responsibility and strong moral values
are consistent and fair
discipline firmly
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Frustration
Although i did not go cut and rebond my hair. I still chalked up my aug credit bill...
KNS, coz tt bloody ktv rejected my debit card... Duno y oso, i always use de lor... I had no cash so i LL got to sign my credit... Coz my other debit card no money... KNN...
And then leh, i see my hair more n more like crap... Dun even bother abt my mum who always say i look like shit... Even my buddy oso said the same thing... He initially said its fine, then later its been an eye sore... He asked me to dye black, DIY, he help me... Sigh, duno leh... Also duno DIY can cover all or not.
I still feel like rebonding it lor.... But i dun wan to cut short le... Just rebond n trim... Sigh... Maybe next mth bah.... And then wait another mth go dye dark brown...
Anyways, to prevent further misunderstandings... The "he", "buddy" tt i always talked abt is Marvin... I mean like crap lor, those who knoes me sure noe who im toking abt one wat... For those pathetic female losers who are double guessing, screw u la...
Tis is my blog ok... U saw my name, go google search or watever (damn KPO u, so free nothing better to do isit?), chance upon my blog, tts ur own prob.... I do not need to answer to anyone here lo....
Marvin's not even complaining abt wat i wrote, y shd the rest be....
Names names... So impt meh...
U all oso duno who wat, even if i write out their names... Those who r close noe already mah... KNS leh u all... I mean all the strangers....
Then mus i repeat their names all over? Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin.... Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen...
U got anything to say, say to me directly lah... Dun go one big round or tell 3rd party can or not? If u wan to play games, dun let me knoe... Fucking angry can! Piss me off lor... Speaking of which jus reminded me of someone else... Sigh, but i guess i shall not go into details...
I have not been updating coz i am so sick of my life, i am so down, i am so depressed, frustrated with everyone, and everthing else...
Alot had happened, lots to tok abt, but i jus aint got the mood to blog abt them...
And now im sick again, which jus pulled everything into rock bottom... I DO NOT LIKE TO BE SICK, coz when im sick, ppl ard me gets more selfish (dun allow me to rest, tok loud loud, disturb me wif nonsense), and then i will feel lonely... KNS...
LONELINESS is a taboo in my dictionary ok?
I am lonely-tolerant coz i am alone! I am not supposed to feel otherwise, if not tts slapping myself for having walked tis far...
If only im not female... If only im not emotional...
I will jus let everyone go, give everything up, without any burden, and leave this place forever...
Sigh... KNN!!!
I feel like cursing n swearing to all the bitches and fuckers....
Except tt i am now so miserable, i cant tok, i cant pronounce properly and i cant breath properly too... Plus im hungry!
Lol.
Sian sian sian...
Seriously i duno wat ive becum lately...
Either i step out of it or i continue but make it work better for me, as in towards my own advantage not to others... Otherwise im nv crawling back out again until someone threw the fully injured, useless me off the hole....
U mus be thinking wat e hell im toking abt... Well, tts for me to noe... It doesnt matter u get it or not, coz tis is MY blog , geddit?
If i wan U to understand, i will... If i dun i will jus speak in riddles...
My brain's not working properly again...
TBC tmr...
KNS, coz tt bloody ktv rejected my debit card... Duno y oso, i always use de lor... I had no cash so i LL got to sign my credit... Coz my other debit card no money... KNN...
And then leh, i see my hair more n more like crap... Dun even bother abt my mum who always say i look like shit... Even my buddy oso said the same thing... He initially said its fine, then later its been an eye sore... He asked me to dye black, DIY, he help me... Sigh, duno leh... Also duno DIY can cover all or not.
I still feel like rebonding it lor.... But i dun wan to cut short le... Just rebond n trim... Sigh... Maybe next mth bah.... And then wait another mth go dye dark brown...
Anyways, to prevent further misunderstandings... The "he", "buddy" tt i always talked abt is Marvin... I mean like crap lor, those who knoes me sure noe who im toking abt one wat... For those pathetic female losers who are double guessing, screw u la...
Tis is my blog ok... U saw my name, go google search or watever (damn KPO u, so free nothing better to do isit?), chance upon my blog, tts ur own prob.... I do not need to answer to anyone here lo....
Marvin's not even complaining abt wat i wrote, y shd the rest be....
Names names... So impt meh...
U all oso duno who wat, even if i write out their names... Those who r close noe already mah... KNS leh u all... I mean all the strangers....
Then mus i repeat their names all over? Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin.... Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen...
U got anything to say, say to me directly lah... Dun go one big round or tell 3rd party can or not? If u wan to play games, dun let me knoe... Fucking angry can! Piss me off lor... Speaking of which jus reminded me of someone else... Sigh, but i guess i shall not go into details...
I have not been updating coz i am so sick of my life, i am so down, i am so depressed, frustrated with everyone, and everthing else...
Alot had happened, lots to tok abt, but i jus aint got the mood to blog abt them...
And now im sick again, which jus pulled everything into rock bottom... I DO NOT LIKE TO BE SICK, coz when im sick, ppl ard me gets more selfish (dun allow me to rest, tok loud loud, disturb me wif nonsense), and then i will feel lonely... KNS...
LONELINESS is a taboo in my dictionary ok?
I am lonely-tolerant coz i am alone! I am not supposed to feel otherwise, if not tts slapping myself for having walked tis far...
If only im not female... If only im not emotional...
I will jus let everyone go, give everything up, without any burden, and leave this place forever...
Sigh... KNN!!!
I feel like cursing n swearing to all the bitches and fuckers....
Except tt i am now so miserable, i cant tok, i cant pronounce properly and i cant breath properly too... Plus im hungry!
Lol.
Sian sian sian...
Seriously i duno wat ive becum lately...
Either i step out of it or i continue but make it work better for me, as in towards my own advantage not to others... Otherwise im nv crawling back out again until someone threw the fully injured, useless me off the hole....
U mus be thinking wat e hell im toking abt... Well, tts for me to noe... It doesnt matter u get it or not, coz tis is MY blog , geddit?
If i wan U to understand, i will... If i dun i will jus speak in riddles...
My brain's not working properly again...
TBC tmr...
Friday, August 03, 2007
Dun Cut Le
After much consideration and hesitation, ive decided not to cut my hair or go to the salon on 10 Aug. Sigh... On one hand, i am kinda enjoying my hair length when its not giving me probs and i kinda do feel its not really tt neccessary to chop it off, on the other, i guess its more practical to save that money for other uses at the moment.
Alright. So i guess that would tentatively mean my credit bill for sep will be lesser.
Then again, who noes. Lol.
Then lidat 10 Aug i will be so sabishii... Everyone working/schling... Sobz... And then my house upgrading haven finish somemore... Cant even slp in lor... Sianz...
Shall see how bah...
Alright. So i guess that would tentatively mean my credit bill for sep will be lesser.
Then again, who noes. Lol.
Then lidat 10 Aug i will be so sabishii... Everyone working/schling... Sobz... And then my house upgrading haven finish somemore... Cant even slp in lor... Sianz...
Shall see how bah...
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Good Company
Yest US stock market crashed... Sigh.
Fortunately, i cashed out before that. But some ppl ard me were badly burnt.
I hope it doesnt affect the rest of you.
Its a risky game, i guess we have to accept the wins and losses. Not trying to sound preachy or anything, but its jus tt no matter wat the experts say abt trading being investments, sure wins n sorts, to me, its still gambling lor.
Stocks and shares, no matter how experienced n gd u r, sometimes, things are jus unpredictable.
So when you gamble, you have to accept you might lose oso.
You are happy when you earn big time, then when you lose, u blame the whole world and throw your temper ard ur loved ones.
We must be ready on both ends lo. I am not prepared to lose, thus i won't be doing it for a long time. No money mah.
Traders hate it when we say sometimes its luck as well, coz to them, everything is analytical, and you will definately make it big if you have a good mind. But like i said, nothing is forever, nothing is predictable forever. Things jus happen at times u noe.
Otherwise, there wun be so many tragedies ard le.
Ppl say those who burnt themselves are simply stupid and they haf poor judgement. Then again, you will nv be 100% right forever eh?
Thats my belief la... (Can already feel them shooting me looks, luffing at my ignorance -___-" Watever!)
Anyways, i went out yest. Sigh... Haha, it meant i spent money lah... Sobz, now left $650 only nia. Lol. & $40 cash.
Sushi Tei for dinner - $50
Cigs - $30
Acid Bar - $70
Bought Hoegarden at Cheers - $30
Damage: $180
Good Company: Priceless
Actually quite fun to list out... Lol, i can refer to these for expenses. Had been refering to my acc post alot... Haha.
It was good company yest though. I thot the vibe was good. Shared some more stuffs and thots and conversation was pretty good. Though tt jerk freaked me out abit yest on the bed, and i kept imagining a woman hanging on his ceiling fan, coz of tt stupid horror movie 4 of us watched prev sat, ALONE. Lol. And i couldnt sleep for the rest of the night, not becoz of the ghost but more like i couldnt get to sleep, like always.
I guess when you are very close to your fren, its inevitable to have conflicts at times. Jus hope it doesnt happen too often. Like he said, impt thing is jus dun keep going back to it.
Theres no perfection in all relationships. So part n parcel. It happened, u cant turn back time, so get over it and move on ahead.
Oh ya.
Watch this speech for Steve Jobs, very moltivating.
Lunching le... Later
Fortunately, i cashed out before that. But some ppl ard me were badly burnt.
I hope it doesnt affect the rest of you.
Its a risky game, i guess we have to accept the wins and losses. Not trying to sound preachy or anything, but its jus tt no matter wat the experts say abt trading being investments, sure wins n sorts, to me, its still gambling lor.
Stocks and shares, no matter how experienced n gd u r, sometimes, things are jus unpredictable.
So when you gamble, you have to accept you might lose oso.
You are happy when you earn big time, then when you lose, u blame the whole world and throw your temper ard ur loved ones.
We must be ready on both ends lo. I am not prepared to lose, thus i won't be doing it for a long time. No money mah.
Traders hate it when we say sometimes its luck as well, coz to them, everything is analytical, and you will definately make it big if you have a good mind. But like i said, nothing is forever, nothing is predictable forever. Things jus happen at times u noe.
Otherwise, there wun be so many tragedies ard le.
Ppl say those who burnt themselves are simply stupid and they haf poor judgement. Then again, you will nv be 100% right forever eh?
Thats my belief la... (Can already feel them shooting me looks, luffing at my ignorance -___-" Watever!)
Anyways, i went out yest. Sigh... Haha, it meant i spent money lah... Sobz, now left $650 only nia. Lol. & $40 cash.
Sushi Tei for dinner - $50
Cigs - $30
Acid Bar - $70
Bought Hoegarden at Cheers - $30
Damage: $180
Good Company: Priceless
Actually quite fun to list out... Lol, i can refer to these for expenses. Had been refering to my acc post alot... Haha.
It was good company yest though. I thot the vibe was good. Shared some more stuffs and thots and conversation was pretty good. Though tt jerk freaked me out abit yest on the bed, and i kept imagining a woman hanging on his ceiling fan, coz of tt stupid horror movie 4 of us watched prev sat, ALONE. Lol. And i couldnt sleep for the rest of the night, not becoz of the ghost but more like i couldnt get to sleep, like always.
I guess when you are very close to your fren, its inevitable to have conflicts at times. Jus hope it doesnt happen too often. Like he said, impt thing is jus dun keep going back to it.
Theres no perfection in all relationships. So part n parcel. It happened, u cant turn back time, so get over it and move on ahead.
Oh ya.
Watch this speech for Steve Jobs, very moltivating.
Lunching le... Later
Monday, July 30, 2007
Some Goals
Update more since i got the mood. More like reminders for myself bah...
Will tok abt the sat gathering after i get my pc reformatted and upload the photos.
This week's tasks after work:
Will tok abt the sat gathering after i get my pc reformatted and upload the photos.
This week's tasks after work:
- Mon - Pack Wardrobe, Iron/Sew Shirts, Finish my drama series, Catch more sleep
- Tues - Plan Pot Luck Gathering, Reformat PC, Re-install everything
-______-" - Wed - Go buy the toiletries at central, Transfer Files from Lap Top to PC
- Thurs - Slack & Rest
- Fri - Stay at home
- Sat - Meet SZ, Buy eldest sis bday gift, Maybe head to tamp drop toiletries/installers at Marv's place and visit him n Elfie
- Sun - Free & Easy, maybe cook
August:
- Donate Blood
- Study Hard for Driving Final Theory Test
September:
- Pass my Final Theory
- Start my practical driving lessons
October:
- New Working Wardrobe - Heels, Bottoms, Shirts, etc
- Dye Hair
November - December:
- New Wardrobe - Total Revamp - Work/Non Work
2008
- Stick to my job
- Buy a Mac Book
- Buy a Video Cam
- Buy a Gucci Wallet
- Get my driving liscense
- Pack all things, throw all unneccessary, be prepared for moving out plans
- Holiday Trip - TAIWAN
- Plan to get car (Most prob 2009)
- Do not get into any relationships
Think thats abt it for now...
August Account
Breakdown of my own August Accounts for my own reference:
After paying all the bills and transfering money here and there.
Plus the money others returned me, I'm left with $800 in my bank, and $80 bucks cash, lol...
You think alot arh? U see my list of fixed expenses for this mth!
After paying all the bills and transfering money here and there.
Plus the money others returned me, I'm left with $800 in my bank, and $80 bucks cash, lol...
You think alot arh? U see my list of fixed expenses for this mth!
- - $80 for this week and next week working expenses (cigs & lunch $)
- - $100 for M1 HP bill on 27 Aug + Internet Bill
- - $90 for last 2 weeks of working expenses (till i get next pay)
- - $50 for toileties (Shampoo, Conditioner, Hair Serum, Moisturizer)
- - $100 expenses for the my bday Sentosa Stay (meals and others, excluding hotel)
- - $50 for my bday gathering (pot luck - still planning though)
- - $50 for my eldest sis bday gift (8th Aug, got chalet)
- - $200 Emergency Money (I haf to do tis, if not sure die one! If nothing crops up then it will becum my savings lor!)
And so i am left with $160. Haven deduct for transportation somemore. Lol. But nvm can leave tis part out.
Ok, i've decided to be thick skin n stay at home to eat dinner for weekdays for the whole month. If not i'll jus eat bread or instant noodles.
So i have $160 to cover my whole aug weekend spending! Which will be 3 weekends, since my bday weekend i think more or less will be covered in the above listing. So i ended up having like $50 for fri-sun each weekend. Sigh.
So it means no more cab rides! Ok, shall die die stick to bus. But u noe travel from amk to tamp is soooooooooooo far n journey is sooooooo long by bus or train lo... Sigh, nvm, i'll ENDURE!!!
I shall not drink for this mth... Hmm, try lor... No ktvs this mth... Try oso lah... I shall not watch any movies... Sigh... Ke sian leh, then whole mth i nothing to do... Lol. Nvm, i'll jus watch online anime, my vcds and go visit Elfie can liao...
But then i got something i wan to do on the day i took leave when everyone is working so nobody can accompany me thus i might as well go do it and take up my whole day... Lol. Uber long sentence said in one breath.
I wan to go do my hair during my bday week, with the 50% discount it shd be like around $250. Thinking of rebonding my hair and snipping my hair off... Then 1.5 mths - 2 mths later go change my hair color. No more ulti bleaching this time. Normal 2-color dye, or i might even go single color.
So ironic i tell u... It took me so many yrs (hmm, like 8 yrs? Meanwhile on off on off trim n grow trim n grow)to finally grow so long, and almost to the length that i wan and now i feel like snipping it off. I think its the bday mood, new hair, new change. And im oso sick of maintaining my hair... My hair was bleached 3 times n rebonded 2 times across 2.5 yrs, i think.
And so am thinking of jus snipping most parts off and start anew. Grow again. Sick of taking care of the lower ends to prevent disasters.
But as much as i wan to cut short my hair, i cannot bear to cut away my long hair too. Sobz, dun laugh, this is woman for u lor... Lol
Something tells me i definately must do it for myself though. Hmmmm....
But use my credit card mah?
I just cleared my aug credit bill, but scary thing will be my credit bill for Sep. Lol. Even if i dun sign anything now till 20 Aug, this is the amount already. Lol.
- $215 - KTV (I think, forgot how much le oso)
- $504 - Sentosa Bday Overnight Stay (But of coz SZ will pay me back $250)
- $250 - Hairdo
Siao liao lah, Lol. $700+ liao lor... Hahahah. Lets take it as $750. Minus $750 and family allowance, $200 working expenses for sep, $100 for HP + Internet bills, $100 for other toiletries plus cosmetics (predict some items will run out during early sep), $200 emergency $. Left only $250 nia.
Luckily sep nobody close to me bday... Or so i remembered. Dun tell me u sep bday! Lol.
Then same thing liao, cannot ktv, drink, etc... Hahahah.
But as long as i tahan aug n sep. Oct i will not be so tight already. Lol. I wanted a bday spa trip, so ok lah... I need the break and celebration. Sacrifice abit lor... Once a year only nia. Not in the condition to go overseas oso. So jus make do lor.
Can go shopping le... Lol.
Stress sia... Kekekek... Scared i bored to death... Haha.
Too much HP
Heyo...
Ive got so many things to say.... Wanted to blog so many times last week, but jus cant find the suitable time.
I die die have to format my home pc, yes it died... But then, its jus so sian to re-install everything. BUT I HAVE TO DO IT! Sigh... Been dragging it on for like wat, weeks?
My sis asked me to share a new cpu, but no money leh.
I need to pack my wardrobe oso, dun wanna go thru the mountain packing like the previous packing time. I oso need to iron my shirts, haf been wearing LC clothes to work lately. I oso need to sew additional metals butts to my shirts... Sigh...
I shd do this, tonight after work: Pack Wardrobe, sew buttons, watch campus superstar, and concuss. Tues night: Re-format PC. Sat go buy bday gift for my big sis and some toiletries to put at Marv's place. I need to get some cosmetics oso... Sian...
Its monday again. It was so hard to wake up tis morning... I couldnt sleep last nite, it was so uncomfortable. The temperature isnt right though ive adjusted it, i jus couldnt find any suitable position to fall asleep in. And the shoulder/neck aches arent helping.
Worst, when i finally fall asleep. I had a disturbing dream. Too much Harry Potter talk over the weekend. I dreamt that Lord Voldemort was after my life on my bday -_-" Too much bday tok as well. My acquaintances from different world dimensions i made (perhaps from previous adventures) all came over trying to so called wish me happy bday -_-". But they were trying to protect me as well.
I cant tell u the exact story. Its jus u noe, getting keys and answers that link to some dimension portals to find some ppl, etc. Some ppl close to me betrayed me as usual. And of coz having the demon trying to kill me meanwhile.
Apparently, he need to cast a magic spell on me in order to kill me. And it had to be a ritual or something. He cant kill me like with a dagger or something,. God knows y. So as long as i keep escaping with my magic, i am safe. U have no idea how many spells ive casted in the process.
Short sleep, long dream. As usual, hate tt. It jus seem like eternity, i dun like tt, coz i will feel super tired the next morning.
I go eat 1st, later then continue.
Ive got so many things to say.... Wanted to blog so many times last week, but jus cant find the suitable time.
I die die have to format my home pc, yes it died... But then, its jus so sian to re-install everything. BUT I HAVE TO DO IT! Sigh... Been dragging it on for like wat, weeks?
My sis asked me to share a new cpu, but no money leh.
I need to pack my wardrobe oso, dun wanna go thru the mountain packing like the previous packing time. I oso need to iron my shirts, haf been wearing LC clothes to work lately. I oso need to sew additional metals butts to my shirts... Sigh...
I shd do this, tonight after work: Pack Wardrobe, sew buttons, watch campus superstar, and concuss. Tues night: Re-format PC. Sat go buy bday gift for my big sis and some toiletries to put at Marv's place. I need to get some cosmetics oso... Sian...
Its monday again. It was so hard to wake up tis morning... I couldnt sleep last nite, it was so uncomfortable. The temperature isnt right though ive adjusted it, i jus couldnt find any suitable position to fall asleep in. And the shoulder/neck aches arent helping.
Worst, when i finally fall asleep. I had a disturbing dream. Too much Harry Potter talk over the weekend. I dreamt that Lord Voldemort was after my life on my bday -_-" Too much bday tok as well. My acquaintances from different world dimensions i made (perhaps from previous adventures) all came over trying to so called wish me happy bday -_-". But they were trying to protect me as well.
I cant tell u the exact story. Its jus u noe, getting keys and answers that link to some dimension portals to find some ppl, etc. Some ppl close to me betrayed me as usual. And of coz having the demon trying to kill me meanwhile.
Apparently, he need to cast a magic spell on me in order to kill me. And it had to be a ritual or something. He cant kill me like with a dagger or something,. God knows y. So as long as i keep escaping with my magic, i am safe. U have no idea how many spells ive casted in the process.
Short sleep, long dream. As usual, hate tt. It jus seem like eternity, i dun like tt, coz i will feel super tired the next morning.
I go eat 1st, later then continue.
Monday, July 23, 2007
HAPPIFYING 2
This sat ive arranged a gathering with SZ, Marvin and Wendy...
Wah, 1st time SZ and Marvin meet, duno how its gonna turn out... Lol... But high time to meet le lor, kns... My 2 close frenz, die die oso mus pair them up see how isit...
Will be watching movie, Alone, in the noon, then early dinner at newton, i wanna eat STINGRAY, SAMBAL KANG KONG, (damn long no eat, e last time at tamp 85 coffeeshop not counted, sucks lor) then duno wat liao... I sick of eating Lala, Cockles, Squid, dun feel like eating Tsuk Tsuk, Gong Gong... Then like nothing liao lor... Oh ya, think i will order satay (oso very long no eat), then the oyster omelette, i dun fancy chicken wings... Hmm, then like nothing liao. Lol.
Then KTV. Gonna drink alot alot... I will prepare more $$$. I hope the 2 girls are prepared though, one thing is i want them to get drunk, then again im afraid of the aftermath of drunk ppl oso... Lol.
Then after that go Boon Tong Kee eat supper...
But like so dumb travel back n forth back n forth lidat... Lol, but nvm lah, 4 person cab not so ex.
Pls dun stalk me arh! U roughly can guess all my locations. Lol...
I am so excited lor, duno wat im excited for... But sian leh, 5 more days!!!
If all these dun work out, i duno wat to say man... But then got ME wat, sure work de lah...
I wan to see Marvin, SZ, 5-10... It will be so interesting...
I am so amazed at myself this mth...
Although i encountered tt big floop, all these still under my control lor...
It feels so gd to be in control again.
But i did suffer one setback which was tt my drinking was cut down tremendously. This is partly due to the fact that my drinking khaki oso broke, lol. So we die die oso cannot drink, for now... But not anymore, i will be back next mth. Lol.
Then again, u will say dun drink so much la, not gd to health tis n tt... U think i duno meh... U think ppl who smoke who drink duno meh.... I am alcholic, i enjoy drinking. So?
I am now super super gien so sat i will drink alot alot... I dun care wat u think of drinkers... I love to drink, much more than smoke.
But having said all tt, i still drank... It wasnt like a whole mth of no alcohol. So its still cool.
I was just about to snap coz of another mistake yest. They dun accept my type of credit card - smart chip kind, and i was forced to use up all my spare cash, lol. But all i had to sacrifice was a pack of cig, some food, and enduring a long long long bus journey of rowdy ppl and motion sickness.
But all things jus fell into place again.
If i get my petty cash (23 moolah) from Boss - he retn to office this week, i will have enuff moolah to eat lunch for the rest of the week.
My sis cashed out my shares, so i have abit of money for saturday!
Just when i was counting down to dreadful pay check clear day, everything fastwarded and i jus need to sit and wait till mid of this week...
But i do feel abit guilty though... Had not been saving for some time, coz of all the gifts and all... The shares were my pathetic saving and im touching that money for sat. But then I do not mind paying lor. This kind of thing is the companionship de mah. Money can still be earned de.
As long as enjoyable i dun mind paying de la... But if not enjoyable of coz i will grumble. Lol... Tts y i say die die ok de lah... Got me mah!
Although i dun earn alot of money, but at least still self sufficient.
I still pay for bills, i still give my family money. Isnt it all that matters? I no money or wat is my own prob wat... I buy gifts, i drink, i give treats, i happy, others oso happy mah...
I dun affect others nor owe ppl money... Isnt tt gd enuff?
I am not going for degree anymore, so i need not save up big time for it...
Aiyah, in the end...
I jus wan to say... I jus wan to give as much as i can do, while i still can.
Wah, 1st time SZ and Marvin meet, duno how its gonna turn out... Lol... But high time to meet le lor, kns... My 2 close frenz, die die oso mus pair them up see how isit...
Will be watching movie, Alone, in the noon, then early dinner at newton, i wanna eat STINGRAY, SAMBAL KANG KONG, (damn long no eat, e last time at tamp 85 coffeeshop not counted, sucks lor) then duno wat liao... I sick of eating Lala, Cockles, Squid, dun feel like eating Tsuk Tsuk, Gong Gong... Then like nothing liao lor... Oh ya, think i will order satay (oso very long no eat), then the oyster omelette, i dun fancy chicken wings... Hmm, then like nothing liao. Lol.
Then KTV. Gonna drink alot alot... I will prepare more $$$. I hope the 2 girls are prepared though, one thing is i want them to get drunk, then again im afraid of the aftermath of drunk ppl oso... Lol.
Then after that go Boon Tong Kee eat supper...
But like so dumb travel back n forth back n forth lidat... Lol, but nvm lah, 4 person cab not so ex.
Pls dun stalk me arh! U roughly can guess all my locations. Lol...
I am so excited lor, duno wat im excited for... But sian leh, 5 more days!!!
If all these dun work out, i duno wat to say man... But then got ME wat, sure work de lah...
I wan to see Marvin, SZ, 5-10... It will be so interesting...
I am so amazed at myself this mth...
- I managed to survive under such limited moolah.
- I did not borrow any moolah. Wanted to lor, but i am a stubborn bitch!
- I still managed to eat my usual (sort of) and bought so many things for others
- But coz of the above points, now i have a credit of 500 moolah to clear next mth. Lol. But still within my budget lah, didnt i already mentioned I have high expenses!
Although i encountered tt big floop, all these still under my control lor...
It feels so gd to be in control again.
But i did suffer one setback which was tt my drinking was cut down tremendously. This is partly due to the fact that my drinking khaki oso broke, lol. So we die die oso cannot drink, for now... But not anymore, i will be back next mth. Lol.
Then again, u will say dun drink so much la, not gd to health tis n tt... U think i duno meh... U think ppl who smoke who drink duno meh.... I am alcholic, i enjoy drinking. So?
I am now super super gien so sat i will drink alot alot... I dun care wat u think of drinkers... I love to drink, much more than smoke.
But having said all tt, i still drank... It wasnt like a whole mth of no alcohol. So its still cool.
I was just about to snap coz of another mistake yest. They dun accept my type of credit card - smart chip kind, and i was forced to use up all my spare cash, lol. But all i had to sacrifice was a pack of cig, some food, and enduring a long long long bus journey of rowdy ppl and motion sickness.
But all things jus fell into place again.
If i get my petty cash (23 moolah) from Boss - he retn to office this week, i will have enuff moolah to eat lunch for the rest of the week.
My sis cashed out my shares, so i have abit of money for saturday!
Just when i was counting down to dreadful pay check clear day, everything fastwarded and i jus need to sit and wait till mid of this week...
But i do feel abit guilty though... Had not been saving for some time, coz of all the gifts and all... The shares were my pathetic saving and im touching that money for sat. But then I do not mind paying lor. This kind of thing is the companionship de mah. Money can still be earned de.
As long as enjoyable i dun mind paying de la... But if not enjoyable of coz i will grumble. Lol... Tts y i say die die ok de lah... Got me mah!
Although i dun earn alot of money, but at least still self sufficient.
I still pay for bills, i still give my family money. Isnt it all that matters? I no money or wat is my own prob wat... I buy gifts, i drink, i give treats, i happy, others oso happy mah...
I dun affect others nor owe ppl money... Isnt tt gd enuff?
I am not going for degree anymore, so i need not save up big time for it...
Aiyah, in the end...
I jus wan to say... I jus wan to give as much as i can do, while i still can.
Happifying
I donated blood just in may... Kns, their system nv update... Can only go again after 19 august.
I am happifying now... Duno y... Feel so so so happy and excited.
No monday blues (erm, coz i usually haf tuesday blues - yaya, stop laughing for those who noe).
I bought 2 movies - 300 (hope its not censored), and take the lead. Of coz i've watched them in the theatres. But i buy movies tt i like or love to keep. Coz i am the kind who can watch a movie over n over.
Wasnt expecting to buy 300, wanted to buy Dirty Dancing: Havana Night, but they dun haf.
I bought 3 pairs of shoes from Charles n Keith yest... I saw 2 pairs on the website tt i fell for, i noe i had to get them. Lol.
I am not afraid to say this but I love C&C shoes.
Coz they have great size range and they are affordable. They now have size 41, thats size 10. Now i can hear lesser females complain already. Amazing right? Most shops stop at 39 one lor... VNC goes up to size 11 though, i think C&C is trying to compete with the M'sian brand.
Who cares if they dun last, VNC shoes dun last either... In fact, my C&C shoes last longer than my VNC shoes. Actually their shoes kinda last longer already or at least those tt i've picked. And the quality has improved tremendously, at least i dun get bloody blisters now or so for those tt i've picked. And their heels are more stable now, not as wobly as compared to when they just started. Balance is good too, my feet dun ache wearing their 4 inch heels as compared to the past.
And i love some of their designs too, though not original but who cares. I am always spoilt with choices. And i had to die die restrict myself from not more than 3 pairs each time. Though i have to admit i love VNC design collection too, but then VNC limited branches, i dun wan to go city hall jus for tt.
Best of all, to me lah... Their shoes super cheap lor... I never bother to check the prices before i buy... To me lah, 30+ per pair is cheap lor... 30+ wear at least 6 mths, ok wat...
Actually, its jus kinda recent tt i realised wat type of shoes fits me so that i dun get the blisters or spoil the shoes easily... For example, i cannot buy strappy heels though its super sexy, coz sure wear few times break one. So i dun get lor... Then i cannot buy fully covered or rather back covered heels though i love them, coz the back sure blister one. Then wear one time throw aside le so i dun buy lor... Then front covered, my nails sure spoil the shoes one then the front gets dirty n smelly more easily, so i try not to get tis type oso lor... But i sometimes still get tis type though.
I bought one red heels, one beige heels and one blue wedge... I now got 3 colors to wear go out, i like! I think tts y im happy.
Next time i will get working shoes, coz i wan to change my current batch. So many yrs le, some so worn out le. I need new batch of working clothes too... Wearing the same things for ages... Lol.
I must be patient... New wardrobe in October! See i save enuff or not 1st lah... haha...
Upload tis 1st...
I am happifying now... Duno y... Feel so so so happy and excited.
No monday blues (erm, coz i usually haf tuesday blues - yaya, stop laughing for those who noe).
I bought 2 movies - 300 (hope its not censored), and take the lead. Of coz i've watched them in the theatres. But i buy movies tt i like or love to keep. Coz i am the kind who can watch a movie over n over.
Wasnt expecting to buy 300, wanted to buy Dirty Dancing: Havana Night, but they dun haf.
I bought 3 pairs of shoes from Charles n Keith yest... I saw 2 pairs on the website tt i fell for, i noe i had to get them. Lol.
I am not afraid to say this but I love C&C shoes.
Coz they have great size range and they are affordable. They now have size 41, thats size 10. Now i can hear lesser females complain already. Amazing right? Most shops stop at 39 one lor... VNC goes up to size 11 though, i think C&C is trying to compete with the M'sian brand.
Who cares if they dun last, VNC shoes dun last either... In fact, my C&C shoes last longer than my VNC shoes. Actually their shoes kinda last longer already or at least those tt i've picked. And the quality has improved tremendously, at least i dun get bloody blisters now or so for those tt i've picked. And their heels are more stable now, not as wobly as compared to when they just started. Balance is good too, my feet dun ache wearing their 4 inch heels as compared to the past.
And i love some of their designs too, though not original but who cares. I am always spoilt with choices. And i had to die die restrict myself from not more than 3 pairs each time. Though i have to admit i love VNC design collection too, but then VNC limited branches, i dun wan to go city hall jus for tt.
Best of all, to me lah... Their shoes super cheap lor... I never bother to check the prices before i buy... To me lah, 30+ per pair is cheap lor... 30+ wear at least 6 mths, ok wat...
Actually, its jus kinda recent tt i realised wat type of shoes fits me so that i dun get the blisters or spoil the shoes easily... For example, i cannot buy strappy heels though its super sexy, coz sure wear few times break one. So i dun get lor... Then i cannot buy fully covered or rather back covered heels though i love them, coz the back sure blister one. Then wear one time throw aside le so i dun buy lor... Then front covered, my nails sure spoil the shoes one then the front gets dirty n smelly more easily, so i try not to get tis type oso lor... But i sometimes still get tis type though.
I bought one red heels, one beige heels and one blue wedge... I now got 3 colors to wear go out, i like! I think tts y im happy.
Next time i will get working shoes, coz i wan to change my current batch. So many yrs le, some so worn out le. I need new batch of working clothes too... Wearing the same things for ages... Lol.
I must be patient... New wardrobe in October! See i save enuff or not 1st lah... haha...
Upload tis 1st...
Monday, July 09, 2007
I cant remember when was the last time i donated blood... Kns...
I checked online its says feb, so means i missed out one appointment in may already... But then e last i went with wendy was so long ago meh? Think i better check my card later when i reach home. Thats if i can still remember. Lol.
I think shd be bah, think quite some time already oso... And time flew by lately.
Will head down this sat for donation if im eligible.
Guess i will be headin down alone again this time, so sick of meeting up with ppl and arranging all the nonsense.
I am not refering to Wendy, she was the one who woke me up that time coz i was zz, and we were late for the appt. I wanted to give it a miss already, but she was my moltivation and i got my lazy arse off the bed. Lol.
Luckily late ar, coz when we reached, so few ppl there tt it took a breeze to go thru it. It was almost zero waiting time at all stations!
Aiya, cant blog le... Lunching.
I checked online its says feb, so means i missed out one appointment in may already... But then e last i went with wendy was so long ago meh? Think i better check my card later when i reach home. Thats if i can still remember. Lol.
I think shd be bah, think quite some time already oso... And time flew by lately.
Will head down this sat for donation if im eligible.
Guess i will be headin down alone again this time, so sick of meeting up with ppl and arranging all the nonsense.
I am not refering to Wendy, she was the one who woke me up that time coz i was zz, and we were late for the appt. I wanted to give it a miss already, but she was my moltivation and i got my lazy arse off the bed. Lol.
Luckily late ar, coz when we reached, so few ppl there tt it took a breeze to go thru it. It was almost zero waiting time at all stations!
Aiya, cant blog le... Lunching.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Missing June~
I cant believe i left out the whole of june's posting. KNN~
So much happened, yet i didnt blog. I was busy but i was more tired.
After 4 mths of preparation, finally my exhibition came and left. And i didnt even take photos and note watever down.
Not only that, the new puppy, marvin's bday, the puppy, the puppy, the puppy...
Haha.
I am now officially a mother of 1 and a half son, or is it 1 and 1/3 son? Lol.
Unfortunately but as usual, life is never a sunny side up. While some things were good, its only good while it last.
Where the hell was i man?
I felt i kinda lost myself lately. Where's my celesbaby?
No idea wat the hell im doing.
I definately was kinda escaping from certain issues. I spent lesser time at home, I hacked care some of the things i shd be doing, i threw aside my priorities, and i placed some ppl on the shelve lately.
I have my final theory test tonight! And i didnt even study at all. Took a few glances at the qns samples and i haf no idea wat they r toking abt. Much had been bothering me of late, i haf no mood at all to study for some test.
I am so screwed.
Though its only 6 bucks, but its a waiting period of 2-3 mths each test.
Anyways, its too late now, gd luck for my next trial i guess.
I took half day leave tmr for my son's vet appt.
My family had agreed to split the bill, i hope its not too high. Im on a very tight budget for the whole of July.
Gd gracious for the gst money, though little but it ensured i do not haf to eat grass for this mth. Lol.
Ok, more later.
So much happened, yet i didnt blog. I was busy but i was more tired.
After 4 mths of preparation, finally my exhibition came and left. And i didnt even take photos and note watever down.
Not only that, the new puppy, marvin's bday, the puppy, the puppy, the puppy...
Haha.
I am now officially a mother of 1 and a half son, or is it 1 and 1/3 son? Lol.
Unfortunately but as usual, life is never a sunny side up. While some things were good, its only good while it last.
Where the hell was i man?
I felt i kinda lost myself lately. Where's my celesbaby?
No idea wat the hell im doing.
I definately was kinda escaping from certain issues. I spent lesser time at home, I hacked care some of the things i shd be doing, i threw aside my priorities, and i placed some ppl on the shelve lately.
I have my final theory test tonight! And i didnt even study at all. Took a few glances at the qns samples and i haf no idea wat they r toking abt. Much had been bothering me of late, i haf no mood at all to study for some test.
I am so screwed.
Though its only 6 bucks, but its a waiting period of 2-3 mths each test.
Anyways, its too late now, gd luck for my next trial i guess.
I took half day leave tmr for my son's vet appt.
My family had agreed to split the bill, i hope its not too high. Im on a very tight budget for the whole of July.
Gd gracious for the gst money, though little but it ensured i do not haf to eat grass for this mth. Lol.
Ok, more later.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Finally
I love the lyrics~ Sobz...
明知留不住更不想结束 努力记住你此刻的眉目
记住这拥抱的温度 对抗快来临的孤独
为什么幸福它总是仓促
不在乎付出因为我在乎 但让你哭我就无可宽恕
年轻的我们太低估 世界该有的冷酷
在多的爱也没帮助
My Finally
一个也是有吻 Finally
我最终的恋人别哭泣
用力用力忘你在哪里
我的心中不曾离开你 永远的
当我想起你会得到 爱的离奇
我要退出 也为你祝福
别为我哭我会嫁给无助
年轻的我们太低估 世界该有的冷酷
在多的爱也没帮助
My Finally 一个也是有吻 Finally
我最终的恋人别哭泣用力用力忘你在哪里
我的心中不曾离开你 永远的
当我想起你会得到爱的离奇
忘记一步一切就荒芜 希望爱复燃吧!
But tis lyrics got alot of errors, but i cant edit. Bek cek.
明知留不住更不想结束 努力记住你此刻的眉目
记住这拥抱的温度 对抗快来临的孤独
为什么幸福它总是仓促
不在乎付出因为我在乎 但让你哭我就无可宽恕
年轻的我们太低估 世界该有的冷酷
在多的爱也没帮助
My Finally
一个也是有吻 Finally
我最终的恋人别哭泣
用力用力忘你在哪里
我的心中不曾离开你 永远的
当我想起你会得到 爱的离奇
我要退出 也为你祝福
别为我哭我会嫁给无助
年轻的我们太低估 世界该有的冷酷
在多的爱也没帮助
My Finally 一个也是有吻 Finally
我最终的恋人别哭泣用力用力忘你在哪里
我的心中不曾离开你 永远的
当我想起你会得到爱的离奇
忘记一步一切就荒芜 希望爱复燃吧!
But tis lyrics got alot of errors, but i cant edit. Bek cek.
Bad Person
Had a very bad dream last fri night.
I was and still am quite affected by it. But i guess i managed to say to that person wat i really felt that time, even though it was only in the dream. I didnt wake up in tears, but i felt broken once more.
I knew that i will dream of it again, thanks to somebody who kept brining it up though i had already been trying to put it behind me. -_-"
For the sake of many individuals, I twist my words all the time. To make them feel better and to feed their egos. Often due to tis, I have alot of regrets.
Ppl will never know the truth. To cover up for their mistakes, i jus bit wat i suffered in silence and put them in better light.
I know wat really happened. And i cant say it out. Sigh.
Perhaps i shd jus stop being nice altogether.
It doesnt pay u noe. To take in everything urself. To suffer alone. Its plain dumb n stupid.
They will never know what you had done for them, would they? Will they get it one day when they think back?
In the end, they only remembers u as the bad person. And thats the return you get.
I remembered i wrote tis statement during one of my film n video project during poly days. It was a review for our own project, team, etc.
I wrote, "It's not easy to be a bad person, let alone all the time. But someone's got to do it. And so, who's more ideal than me? Since I've been doing it so much, that others had already embedded the bad being in myself. I can't bear to let others do it. I have to make the move, so that the rest dun haf to suffer wat i did."
I seriously wondered wat my lecturer thot when i wrote that. Then again, thats provided he got read thoroughly.
I didnt write the exact same words, but that was wat i meant though.
Perhaps i should really change... I feel torn.
I was and still am quite affected by it. But i guess i managed to say to that person wat i really felt that time, even though it was only in the dream. I didnt wake up in tears, but i felt broken once more.
I knew that i will dream of it again, thanks to somebody who kept brining it up though i had already been trying to put it behind me. -_-"
For the sake of many individuals, I twist my words all the time. To make them feel better and to feed their egos. Often due to tis, I have alot of regrets.
Ppl will never know the truth. To cover up for their mistakes, i jus bit wat i suffered in silence and put them in better light.
I know wat really happened. And i cant say it out. Sigh.
Perhaps i shd jus stop being nice altogether.
It doesnt pay u noe. To take in everything urself. To suffer alone. Its plain dumb n stupid.
They will never know what you had done for them, would they? Will they get it one day when they think back?
In the end, they only remembers u as the bad person. And thats the return you get.
I remembered i wrote tis statement during one of my film n video project during poly days. It was a review for our own project, team, etc.
I wrote, "It's not easy to be a bad person, let alone all the time. But someone's got to do it. And so, who's more ideal than me? Since I've been doing it so much, that others had already embedded the bad being in myself. I can't bear to let others do it. I have to make the move, so that the rest dun haf to suffer wat i did."
I seriously wondered wat my lecturer thot when i wrote that. Then again, thats provided he got read thoroughly.
I didnt write the exact same words, but that was wat i meant though.
Perhaps i should really change... I feel torn.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Last sat was Keith's bday, so me and marvin treated him dinner at Marriot Hotel on sunday (mother's day). It was crazily ex lor... The food wasnt bad though it wasnt fantastic. Service is good as well, since Marvin got the ice cream he wanted though it wasnt part of the buffet line.
Wonder were we charged for that? If so, how much?
Before that, i accompanied Marvin to Four Seasons Hotel's Club21 to shop. Nothing interesting, and the tabs are like @@. Lol. Then we walked back to Orchard and melted. So hot, can? Though no sun but it was so hot.
Theres tis nice good boy gay looking thin sweater that he love at Forum's Blackjack, but its 300+ lor, so not worth it. Discouraged him against it. I saw a jacket that i really really like, think it was 100 or 200+. And i love the top that used the same design pattern too. SO nice!!!! But no money cannot buy.
Headed to Zara and he bought 2 tops and a cute superman boxer. Haha, cant imagine him wearing it. Mus ask him to show liao. Kekekeke...
Wonder wat i did over the last weekend? Hmm...
Oh ya, had dinner at Waraku (my fav) after work on fri then headed for ktv, so it was soooo boring. Can die inside breathin the guys' sianness. Then watched drama for whole night, zz till next evening, then had dinner at Tamp's Crystal Jade. Not bad leh tt branch, surprisingly.
My impression of CJ totally changed.
Then it was back to more watching to complete the series, while Marvin, his sis Gina, husband Victor and their fren mahjonging noisily behind me.
Sun i went to my Boss's Baby Shower then met Marvin and Keith up for the shoppin n dinner.
I then caught SpiderMan 3 with Keith, while Marvin headed back home for preparation to club which didnt happen in the end, coz Kavan played him out, lol. Spiderman 3 wasnt that bad a movie as wat ppl said. Wasnt great but i wasnt expecting it to be anyways, jus a sequel in the storyline lor...
Tonight i should be catching 28 weeks later, cant wait. But then tts unless someone dun play me out.
Tues was my sis's bday, still haven got his gift, think i'll get something later. Provided i got go out lah... Tmr im going for blood donation with wendy. Evening got steamboat dinner with my family (mum's early bday celebration).
Kavan's bday next tues... Y so many ppl bday one!!!!
Haha.
Yest met Benjamin for dinner at Pasta Cafe. Been one yr plus ever since he went to Taiwan to work in tt games company. Now hes back for good, haf not seen him for so long le... Hes not changed abit. Sigh.
My exhibition is coming up one mth's time, both looking forward and dreading it. Its so far and hours are so long somemore. But then after tt, i would have time to plan many other things in my schedule.
Ive passed my basic theory test, and my final theory will be early July. I hope i can pass it one shot, then i can start my practical lessons. Then hopefully by end of the yr or latest early next yr i would be able to get my liscense.
Ive oso decided to take up jap, from basic, to intermediate to advance, which will take about 1.5yrs, tts if i dun fail la. Lol. And then depending on situation i might take up more papers on tt.
But i cannot take the most recent intake. it starts in june, clashes with my exhibition, so i will enrol during dec and start jan... So far away. Sad, but gd lah, hopefully i can settle my license 1st.
I no mood to write le. Another time bah, so sian.
Wonder were we charged for that? If so, how much?
Before that, i accompanied Marvin to Four Seasons Hotel's Club21 to shop. Nothing interesting, and the tabs are like @@. Lol. Then we walked back to Orchard and melted. So hot, can? Though no sun but it was so hot.
Theres tis nice good boy gay looking thin sweater that he love at Forum's Blackjack, but its 300+ lor, so not worth it. Discouraged him against it. I saw a jacket that i really really like, think it was 100 or 200+. And i love the top that used the same design pattern too. SO nice!!!! But no money cannot buy.
Headed to Zara and he bought 2 tops and a cute superman boxer. Haha, cant imagine him wearing it. Mus ask him to show liao. Kekekeke...
Wonder wat i did over the last weekend? Hmm...
Oh ya, had dinner at Waraku (my fav) after work on fri then headed for ktv, so it was soooo boring. Can die inside breathin the guys' sianness. Then watched drama for whole night, zz till next evening, then had dinner at Tamp's Crystal Jade. Not bad leh tt branch, surprisingly.
My impression of CJ totally changed.
Then it was back to more watching to complete the series, while Marvin, his sis Gina, husband Victor and their fren mahjonging noisily behind me.
Sun i went to my Boss's Baby Shower then met Marvin and Keith up for the shoppin n dinner.
I then caught SpiderMan 3 with Keith, while Marvin headed back home for preparation to club which didnt happen in the end, coz Kavan played him out, lol. Spiderman 3 wasnt that bad a movie as wat ppl said. Wasnt great but i wasnt expecting it to be anyways, jus a sequel in the storyline lor...
Tonight i should be catching 28 weeks later, cant wait. But then tts unless someone dun play me out.
Tues was my sis's bday, still haven got his gift, think i'll get something later. Provided i got go out lah... Tmr im going for blood donation with wendy. Evening got steamboat dinner with my family (mum's early bday celebration).
Kavan's bday next tues... Y so many ppl bday one!!!!
Haha.
Yest met Benjamin for dinner at Pasta Cafe. Been one yr plus ever since he went to Taiwan to work in tt games company. Now hes back for good, haf not seen him for so long le... Hes not changed abit. Sigh.
My exhibition is coming up one mth's time, both looking forward and dreading it. Its so far and hours are so long somemore. But then after tt, i would have time to plan many other things in my schedule.
Ive passed my basic theory test, and my final theory will be early July. I hope i can pass it one shot, then i can start my practical lessons. Then hopefully by end of the yr or latest early next yr i would be able to get my liscense.
Ive oso decided to take up jap, from basic, to intermediate to advance, which will take about 1.5yrs, tts if i dun fail la. Lol. And then depending on situation i might take up more papers on tt.
But i cannot take the most recent intake. it starts in june, clashes with my exhibition, so i will enrol during dec and start jan... So far away. Sad, but gd lah, hopefully i can settle my license 1st.
I no mood to write le. Another time bah, so sian.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Hurt So Bad
I absolutely love this song now.
I just got the song today. Coz i duno the title. I dun like the original though but the version sung by one fren,Kavan. I love the way he sings it...
哭了才发现自己真的受伤了
你曾对我说你永远是我的
为了爱情我把自己的幸福都忘了
你快乐我就快乐
也许是我们彼此都太年轻了
总是特别容易沉溺在爱情里
每当我再次看到身边美丽的花火
你也离开我我还是想对你说
Baby I love You So Much…
你走了我的心在淌血
Baby You Hurt Me So Bad…
想要你回到我的世界
Baby I love You So Much…
你给我的诺言已经瓦解
Baby You Hurt Me So Bad…
只要我们都爱着无论多苦都值得
说好的你怎么忘记了
Nuff said...
Isnt it?
I just got the song today. Coz i duno the title. I dun like the original though but the version sung by one fren,Kavan. I love the way he sings it...
哭了才发现自己真的受伤了
你曾对我说你永远是我的
为了爱情我把自己的幸福都忘了
你快乐我就快乐
也许是我们彼此都太年轻了
总是特别容易沉溺在爱情里
每当我再次看到身边美丽的花火
你也离开我我还是想对你说
Baby I love You So Much…
你走了我的心在淌血
Baby You Hurt Me So Bad…
想要你回到我的世界
Baby I love You So Much…
你给我的诺言已经瓦解
Baby You Hurt Me So Bad…
只要我们都爱着无论多苦都值得
说好的你怎么忘记了
Nuff said...
Isnt it?
Back & Thank You All
I am fine liao.
I guess so.
It seemed like i got over it within 18hrs. Ya, i jus looked at the clock and calculated...
At least im still alive, still able to smile & joke.
I'm alright & I got over the worst moments. And made myself go to work, though my fren insisted on calling my boss on my behalf to explain to him to allow me to take fri off.
I cannot do that one lor. And i am not the kind of person who does that.
Anyways, gonna have to thank some of u sweet little darlings.
I panicked and called the whole world around 1+am that night. Nobody picked up except Keith, although he was already asleep.
Though he wasnt able to keep up coz he was too tired. But i was really glad someone answered. He did joked and said luckily he wasnt dreamin about ghosts the next day. Coz if he did, then hearing a female crying over the phone and not saying anything at that hr is very creepy. Haha.
Also, gotta have to thank Ben, who called me back and stayed with me till 4+am.
These are the times when u will find out who really cares (though they always act tough and say they hack care abt u)even though you may not be particularly close with that person.
I am always reachable for others, ppl called me at crazy hours but never once i complained. Coz i understand how it feels when you really need someone to talk to or need someone by ur side, but you just cant get anybody, be it the hour.
I understand coz it had always been the case for me. When i say i will be there for you, anytime, i truly mean it. Unless seriously i did not managed to hear the ringing. I knoe sometimes how a phone call can change a person's fate. U never noe wat will happen to that person.
So as much as i can, i would never wan anybody i noe to go thru the same thing as i did.
Ppl always look for me when something happened, but never once have i found anyone like that until this time. This is the 1st time i actually felt i have frenz. Not those who can go out, chat, have fun with you.
But those whom stayed with you in times of need. Like me, they sacrificed their sleep, work, coz they know as a human, you are more important at that moment.
Its an irony that those who proclaimed, "I'll always be here whenever u really need me, U can always call me if u r down, i will definately get ur call or call u back asap" are never the ones who are there. Even if you happened to get them, they wouldnt really be bothered to hear you out. They will sound impatient, coz they didnt wan to get affected themselves, so they would tell u things like, "just go n slp, dun think so much, jus let it be, tok to u again".
I duno if its jus me or wat. If i noe a fren who is going thru hard times lately. I will definately and automatically, without a doubt stay closer to my phone. I will be on standby mode, just in case when things really go bad. I guess tis is only when u truly care about someone bah.
Wendy who called me in the morning. She did not ask me anything (that was bein very sensitive, thank you. Coz i did not wan to cry jus before i work for my eyes were already very swollen and its hard to put on e make up), i knew she was jus checking if im alright. I told her i will call her during lunch time. I didnt. And without even asking, she called me back again after work, she did not even ask y i didnt call her or anything lidat (u noe how some ppl will say until like ur fault again). Thank you.
Yati, who accompanied my fri morning over msn. Thank you. With you around, time passes easier during work when its all hectic and stressful. Although you are the one who is the furthest away from knowing my story, ive realised i told u more than wat most of them noe. Coz u really read n digest my words. I am really glad you chatted with me that morning. It wasnt easy.
Jensen who smsed me from morning. Who offered to treat me to something good tmr, after he heard i lost my appetite and tt im broke. Thank you.
Dave, who smsed me from noon onwards. I smsed a few but as expected not everyone replied though. Dave is very sweet, he made me feel so much better. Although sadly, he jus went through a heartache himself. He understood wat i needed. Thanks.
Keith, who called me from work. And without asking again, he offered to meet me for dinner. Even though i had no idea wat to eat or where to go. He still met me. Even though he already had plans (i only found out about tt later in the night), he cancelled it to accompany me.
Its jus so sad when it comes to situations whereby ur close fren or frenz who knew you r upset, did not bother to say anything or do anything and u even had to ask if they can accompany u. I jus find tt so sad. Coz such things shd come naturally. U shdnt expect a depressed person to ask, coz that jus make them feel worst.
And u shdnt even think along the line of, "I shd jus let him/her calm down for awhile 1st be4 contacting him/her". Screw all of us who think tis way. U wan ur frenz to die isit? U duno how to read ppl one ar, ppl who r depressed always in denial mode one. Even if you really dun haf e time to meet, at least check out ur frenz lor... So hard meh?
I never allow them to ask. I will just do it, abeit forcefully at times. Lol. I will be like, i dun care. I jus wan to meet u. Haha. No matter how cold or strong u r as a person. I noe deep down, u will still need company.
Wendy again, who oso came down to meet me and Keith later in the night. She was so tired and she still needed to work the following day. Both of them stayed with me outside till about 2+am. We jus sat there and chatted about everything, mostly about SP Services though. Lol.
And lastly, SZ, who came down to amk to meet me for dinner on sat, ktv to drink with me (she let me sing most of the time, i did realise tt), and came over to sleep with me till sun night. Thanks for the company.
I guess, without all these ppl, it would be tougher, alot tougher.
While most made me feel better, one or two or three made me feel worst. Some got me back on smiles, some provoked me and made me almost cry again. Sigh. Then again, u cant blame them. Not everyone can handle people. Some are jus not the sensitive n considerate sort.
But bottom line is, i am so glad to have the rest of u guys around. I love you all so much.
I got back up pretty quick this time. I guess it jus wasnt long enuff for me to start loving him. And i am glad i dun haf to try anymore.
Im oso not saying i am 100% ok now, lest u see me sian sian or depressed again... But manageable though. It doesnt ache anymore. But at times when i think about it, its still there, jus a alittle.
I am jus getting used to the idea of losing a person who was once there for u. Even though he doesnt accompany me and practically wasnt there at all most of the time, but its jus e feeling of noeing someone is still there. Get e idea?
But im happier now. Though i cant really go back to the state before it all started coz things have changed. Ive given up and let go some things and i noe i won't be getting them back. Such are inevitable sacrifices.
But at least im not bothered by things in tis area anymore. I am so glad i am out of it.
So its time to continue movin on. Like wat Keith said, "Just start afresh again lor, from tis moment onwards, its jus like back to the usual days".
However, a few door ways are opened coz of him (my ex). Whether i will change or not, is up to me now.
SZ asked me if i would accept another relationship again, for the 1st time, i answered her "yes". But its different now.
I am playing a different game tis time.
But no more same age liao de wor... 1st and last time, they r jus not strong enuff...
2nd to Nicholas, Keith also said, "i think you shd jus stay single.", coz i will be very tong ku when i am in a relationship.
I oso say! Say so many times le somemore. Haha...
When i was toking to keith tt day, sometimes i will say "my bf ....", then Keith will say, "who ur bf?", i will say, "him lor". Then he will like exclaim, "Wat, that jerk! wat bf! forget him liao lor!".
Haha, i find that very funny.
Tmr is holiday! Think i'll jus slack n rest at home. Very tired leh... Enjoy ur public hol hor?
I guess so.
It seemed like i got over it within 18hrs. Ya, i jus looked at the clock and calculated...
At least im still alive, still able to smile & joke.
I'm alright & I got over the worst moments. And made myself go to work, though my fren insisted on calling my boss on my behalf to explain to him to allow me to take fri off.
I cannot do that one lor. And i am not the kind of person who does that.
Anyways, gonna have to thank some of u sweet little darlings.
I panicked and called the whole world around 1+am that night. Nobody picked up except Keith, although he was already asleep.
Though he wasnt able to keep up coz he was too tired. But i was really glad someone answered. He did joked and said luckily he wasnt dreamin about ghosts the next day. Coz if he did, then hearing a female crying over the phone and not saying anything at that hr is very creepy. Haha.
Also, gotta have to thank Ben, who called me back and stayed with me till 4+am.
These are the times when u will find out who really cares (though they always act tough and say they hack care abt u)even though you may not be particularly close with that person.
I am always reachable for others, ppl called me at crazy hours but never once i complained. Coz i understand how it feels when you really need someone to talk to or need someone by ur side, but you just cant get anybody, be it the hour.
I understand coz it had always been the case for me. When i say i will be there for you, anytime, i truly mean it. Unless seriously i did not managed to hear the ringing. I knoe sometimes how a phone call can change a person's fate. U never noe wat will happen to that person.
So as much as i can, i would never wan anybody i noe to go thru the same thing as i did.
Ppl always look for me when something happened, but never once have i found anyone like that until this time. This is the 1st time i actually felt i have frenz. Not those who can go out, chat, have fun with you.
But those whom stayed with you in times of need. Like me, they sacrificed their sleep, work, coz they know as a human, you are more important at that moment.
Its an irony that those who proclaimed, "I'll always be here whenever u really need me, U can always call me if u r down, i will definately get ur call or call u back asap" are never the ones who are there. Even if you happened to get them, they wouldnt really be bothered to hear you out. They will sound impatient, coz they didnt wan to get affected themselves, so they would tell u things like, "just go n slp, dun think so much, jus let it be, tok to u again".
I duno if its jus me or wat. If i noe a fren who is going thru hard times lately. I will definately and automatically, without a doubt stay closer to my phone. I will be on standby mode, just in case when things really go bad. I guess tis is only when u truly care about someone bah.
Wendy who called me in the morning. She did not ask me anything (that was bein very sensitive, thank you. Coz i did not wan to cry jus before i work for my eyes were already very swollen and its hard to put on e make up), i knew she was jus checking if im alright. I told her i will call her during lunch time. I didnt. And without even asking, she called me back again after work, she did not even ask y i didnt call her or anything lidat (u noe how some ppl will say until like ur fault again). Thank you.
Yati, who accompanied my fri morning over msn. Thank you. With you around, time passes easier during work when its all hectic and stressful. Although you are the one who is the furthest away from knowing my story, ive realised i told u more than wat most of them noe. Coz u really read n digest my words. I am really glad you chatted with me that morning. It wasnt easy.
Jensen who smsed me from morning. Who offered to treat me to something good tmr, after he heard i lost my appetite and tt im broke. Thank you.
Dave, who smsed me from noon onwards. I smsed a few but as expected not everyone replied though. Dave is very sweet, he made me feel so much better. Although sadly, he jus went through a heartache himself. He understood wat i needed. Thanks.
Keith, who called me from work. And without asking again, he offered to meet me for dinner. Even though i had no idea wat to eat or where to go. He still met me. Even though he already had plans (i only found out about tt later in the night), he cancelled it to accompany me.
Its jus so sad when it comes to situations whereby ur close fren or frenz who knew you r upset, did not bother to say anything or do anything and u even had to ask if they can accompany u. I jus find tt so sad. Coz such things shd come naturally. U shdnt expect a depressed person to ask, coz that jus make them feel worst.
And u shdnt even think along the line of, "I shd jus let him/her calm down for awhile 1st be4 contacting him/her". Screw all of us who think tis way. U wan ur frenz to die isit? U duno how to read ppl one ar, ppl who r depressed always in denial mode one. Even if you really dun haf e time to meet, at least check out ur frenz lor... So hard meh?
I never allow them to ask. I will just do it, abeit forcefully at times. Lol. I will be like, i dun care. I jus wan to meet u. Haha. No matter how cold or strong u r as a person. I noe deep down, u will still need company.
Wendy again, who oso came down to meet me and Keith later in the night. She was so tired and she still needed to work the following day. Both of them stayed with me outside till about 2+am. We jus sat there and chatted about everything, mostly about SP Services though. Lol.
And lastly, SZ, who came down to amk to meet me for dinner on sat, ktv to drink with me (she let me sing most of the time, i did realise tt), and came over to sleep with me till sun night. Thanks for the company.
I guess, without all these ppl, it would be tougher, alot tougher.
While most made me feel better, one or two or three made me feel worst. Some got me back on smiles, some provoked me and made me almost cry again. Sigh. Then again, u cant blame them. Not everyone can handle people. Some are jus not the sensitive n considerate sort.
But bottom line is, i am so glad to have the rest of u guys around. I love you all so much.
I got back up pretty quick this time. I guess it jus wasnt long enuff for me to start loving him. And i am glad i dun haf to try anymore.
Im oso not saying i am 100% ok now, lest u see me sian sian or depressed again... But manageable though. It doesnt ache anymore. But at times when i think about it, its still there, jus a alittle.
I am jus getting used to the idea of losing a person who was once there for u. Even though he doesnt accompany me and practically wasnt there at all most of the time, but its jus e feeling of noeing someone is still there. Get e idea?
But im happier now. Though i cant really go back to the state before it all started coz things have changed. Ive given up and let go some things and i noe i won't be getting them back. Such are inevitable sacrifices.
But at least im not bothered by things in tis area anymore. I am so glad i am out of it.
So its time to continue movin on. Like wat Keith said, "Just start afresh again lor, from tis moment onwards, its jus like back to the usual days".
However, a few door ways are opened coz of him (my ex). Whether i will change or not, is up to me now.
SZ asked me if i would accept another relationship again, for the 1st time, i answered her "yes". But its different now.
I am playing a different game tis time.
But no more same age liao de wor... 1st and last time, they r jus not strong enuff...
2nd to Nicholas, Keith also said, "i think you shd jus stay single.", coz i will be very tong ku when i am in a relationship.
I oso say! Say so many times le somemore. Haha...
When i was toking to keith tt day, sometimes i will say "my bf ....", then Keith will say, "who ur bf?", i will say, "him lor". Then he will like exclaim, "Wat, that jerk! wat bf! forget him liao lor!".
Haha, i find that very funny.
Tmr is holiday! Think i'll jus slack n rest at home. Very tired leh... Enjoy ur public hol hor?
Friday, April 27, 2007
Broken Up
We broke up yest night.
Let's leave this blog as it is for awhile.
Wait for me to return bah...
Let's leave this blog as it is for awhile.
Wait for me to return bah...
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