New Chapter Begins...

I was just looking at my blog's archive tabs and thought it's rather funny to see majority of 2008 + the whole of 2009 + majority of 2010 missing, only now to be continued. I jolly well knew why but still it's like, what was I doing then. Lol. It looked like I disappeared. Haha.

I wonder if I should delete away the old history and begin from here. Or should I just simply delete my sites, but at this moment, I thought well, it won't hurt leaving things as they are right? I'm not sure if I will continue in the long run, seeing the last attempt was back in July 2010, supposedly my "come back" entry. In any case, we shall see how it goes then. I'm not going to make promises, this way I might actually blog more as and when I feel like it.

And so it begins... Again!

Hoping a brand new start will be for the better. Well, at least my savings will appreciate for the time being after 6 mths.

So anyways, I've just finalised on a new job this morning, I know it's pretty firm when I went for the interview last Friday. Reference call(s) made yesterday early morning and I received the offer soon after. I seriously wonder if they called my previous boss (my reference 1). Reference 2 called me shortly so I knew. Headed down to the office in the noon for the contract and brought it home to think about it for a few hours.

There was nothing much to think about the offer itself actually even though I was in a dilemma. I was thinking more like, should I continue to search for more or should I take up better paid jobs or should I do something that I'm comfortable and familiar with or should I try out something entirely different and just go for it.

But this job like my sis's (she just started work last wed), actually dropped from the sky. I did not apply for it and they found me. And I am not talking about the sales jobs which I received everyday. In fact, I was so fed up with the sales jobs calls that when this company called me, I actually thought that it's some investment company and appeared disinterested. I asked her to email me the details and realised I was wrong. Haha, my bad. I should have listened to the call properly. What to do when you receive like 5-8 calls a day from bank/insurance companies. This has never happened to me and therefore made me really excited.

While this job offer isn't as attractive (albeit disappointed) as I wanted it to be and the pros and cons pretty much matched my previous job though in a different way, I do see the potential ahead. It's strange how it actually matches up in the end, or maybe it's the "formula" or how I analysed it. Lol. In the end, I will only know how far I can go once I am IN it.

Of course I do hope that it'll be a long term career, or at least longer, but certain things are not within our control. I shall see how it goes, if I don't try, I will never know. So I try already then let you know. Haha, I know, I'm lame.

I like how my manager has a very positive vibe, and she naturally makes me feel better when I'm around her. This is great, since I will have to work hand in hand with her. I am also very comfortable with her and I wish her the same. While presentations can be faked, vibes can't. You can be a brilliant speaker + liar, but vibes are something that cannot be erased. Or at least that's how I sense it. I hate to work with people with negative vibes. They kind of bring the whole office down with them.

I'll be starting on Thurs. She told me to bring an open mind as there are many things to learn. So I'll keep myself excited as much as possible to gain the experiences. I might update along the way through this new journey. Till then, new name, new house, new company, new position, new industry. I hope everything falls into places.

Some things that were left unblogged...

PS: I realised I have too many things I want to say after it started. Hah. It's incoherent but I understand can already. Coz I'm lazy to edit, LOL.

I do not feel the need to justify myself even though everybody bugs me. But just to be clear, my accounts are no where near the red zone, after all I did planned for the resignation for 2 years. And to all the irritants out there, I sacrificed 2 YEARS of my life for the break. All you need to do is to actually change your lifestyle (instead of talking about it) and do proper budgeting. Everybody can do it. So STOP making excuses, STOP complaining, STOP questioning and lastly, STOP JUDGING ME!

For 2+ years, I've not bought any new shoes, clothes, bags, handphones, gadgets. If you see me with new items, those are gifts and mind you, I did not request for them. Ok lah, maybe I did have some bday + other festive wishlists, but those were made so that I receive the items that I really want or need. Haha.

Anyways, I have also stopped drinking and the frequent ktv sessions. I still do it once in awhile, well, more like once in a long while. And while it's mainly due to my budget plan, it's also because I do not enjoy it as much as I do in the past. Or rather I am now more in control of what I like and what I don't. Who I wish to meet and who I don't, rather than trying to please everybody except myself. I thought I deserve a pat on the shoulder for this. This is a crucial changing point and I no longer spend money and not feel happy about it.

Anyways, what I wanted to say is this. If you earn 2K and you spend it all every mth, don't complain that you are not earning enough. Because I guarantee the day you earn 10K, you will still spend every bit of it, unless you discipline yourself.

It's a simple primary school calculation of numbers. How difficult is it to understand? For e.g. I earn 2K and I save 1K a mth, I go for drinks + restaurant food maybe like once or twice per mth and versus another who earns 5K and spends 6K (credit) a mth and go for drinks + restaurant food every other night and yet COMPLAIN and COMPLAIN they do not earn enough and that they have no money. At the end of the day, it's all about CHOICES and how we live our lives.

Be open about it and admit that you choose to live your life this way. What I hate is people who are in denial. Hello, how old are you already? Can't you see your own actions? You know how much can be saved from that amount and the no. of things I can buy with it? And for me, if not for the housing issues and my wasted part-time degree history, I would have saved even more lor. So, quit complaining and just save la.

There is nothing wrong spending all your money if you have no other commitments. I would probably do the same if I have zero obligations and be happy about it. But such is not my lot.

And worst of all, I hate people who earn more than me, spend everything on rubbish+ego, and come BORROW money from me to pay their bills, claiming that I'm rich and that my savings are spare cash anyways. GO AND DIE la, I am not a BANK lor. I did not sacrifice myself to save so that I can lend others money. And I am certainly not obligated to do so. So what if I got spare cash in my account, that's mine what.

These kind of people are show-offs most of the time, they spend to make themselves look rich coz of their ego. If you stop showing off to your friends, you would have enough money to pay your bills. And what really pisses me off is that if you do not lend them the money (to save their car, house, bills, dogs, cats, whatever), you will be branded the ultimate evil person who refuses to save a desperate person in need. And they actually get mad at you, swear/curse you and go around telling tales of you. GO AND DIE AGAIN la.

My life is full of these losers, pity me, sobz... And henceforth, I will never ever lend anyone any more money unless dire circumstances which will be determined by me, not you. Have I even mentioned how difficult it is to get back your money? They go on and on to make it your fault (again) to push a desperate person and that stressing (again) that it's your spare cash and you do not need it now so why the rush. Why? Because it MY money la!

Why can't you be a MAN and return me MY money? You can go holidays with friends and drive them around treating them to food and drinks and prostitution and yet couldn't pay me back a few hundred dollars. I only appear rich to you because you are a loser who does not understand simple maths. I forgo all previous debts for I want nothing more with these people. So leave me alone and get out of my life.

I spoke to a "friend" recently, who again said "You are rich what, no need to work." If you meant it as a joke, not funny. If you were being sacarstic, thanks leh. -______-" Enough said.

And then, there are those who just love to criticise everybody but themselves. They are often too quick to judge, thinking that they know everything and that they are always right.

Nobody is in the position to criticise me when I resigned without a new job. If you do not understand my job and did not bother to ask, then you have no right. And when I've decided to take a long break with no firm dateline, do you think I am that stupid to slack at home with $0 in my account, especially when I have a freaking house I need to service? And yes, meanwhile I went for holidays and did some spending, so? Hello, I paid for everything myself. I saved for the break one leh, why can't I do what I want? Why must I listen to you? Did you ever help me even for the smallest thing before? NO.

Do you pay my bills? NO. Do I pay my bills on time? YES. Do you support me financially? NO. Did I ever borrow money from anyone? NO. Did I burden others my financial commitments? NO. Did I take your money and slack at home? NO! Then? What's the problem?

So you are earning alot of money now, good for you, so? Ever treated me to anything? NO. Alright, your job is so interesting, then? Ever introduced any jobs to others? NO. Ever helped those who helped you before? NO. While you constantly put others down and make yourself sound so superior, at the end of the day, nobody gives a shit for you are too self-centered. Get it? And stop hao-lianing about your friends, sorry, who again? Nobody is interested. Your business is none of mine and mine none of yours.

OMG, this is getting longer and longer and I just kept going on and on. Haha. I guess I should have just blogged more often. I'm going to give the above topic an abrupt end.

I Am Back!

And yes, i'm back! It's been like what, 2 years since i last made any entries.

Lots of things happened and it's been really crazy. I'm not sure why i stopped and i just recalled I actually have another dead blog site, which i might revive later on. Can't lose the domain i guess. Lol.

I have no idea why i'm back again, but a friend, KT (i will just use initials, just in case, i dun wan history to repeats itself) asked me about it on Mon even though he hasn't read a single bit of it and i just thot, why not, just going back to the way i was, penning down my thots.

It took me quite abit to come back to this page as i have no idea which email and password i used. Blame myself for being fickle. Haha.

I'm actually really really sick (yes, i hear u, like AGAIN!) right now, though slightly better than yesterday. You have no idea what a bowl of laksa and a packet of cheap nasi lemak can do to you, though im not sure if those are the exact culprits. Right now, i'm waiting for the truckloads of med that i've down to kick in. Though i doubt they will. Maybe i should head down to parkway tmr to have my fav giu ling gao! Never fails to cheer me up!

My sis and I have bought a huge 5-RM flat for 500+K this year. Only 10K COV, it's a steal! We have shifted in around Jan 2010 i think. Rented the 3rd room to my friend, ML who has rented out his own 3-RM flat and is now staying in this huge room with walk-in wardrobe and connecting toilet. He's got a great deal, judging the location of my unit and the size and privacy. The only downside is he doesn't have a window. Lol.

My mum is staying in her own condo in JB, costs only like 80+K RINGIT!!! So cheap lor, if only our houses are so affordable. My sis is staying in the master room as usual with her own walk-in wardrobe, kudos to the previous owner who spent a bomb on the renovation.

On my hand, i'm very happy with my huge GREEN room, though it is the smallest among the 3 with no toilet but it has a very nice enclosed wardrobe that hides my tv, work station, dressing table. I adjusted the wardrobe this way thanks to my brilliant mind. Haha. I doubt i can find any such unit in the future. The furniture which everyone said were too big for our condo that we stayed last year, were actually too small for this house. I wished i had bought a king size bed then.

I have also left my job a couple of months ago and now taking my well-deserved break. I have been there for more than 3 years and it's high time that i move on.

Well, that shall be all for now. I will try and get some sleep.

Nitez. XOXO

Work Tmr! Sobz

These 2 days, i've gotten so ill.

Ive never expected emotional problems to affect my own body so badly.
I know the root of my problem and i am not in denial.

Sometimes i just wish that i'll just go off while sleeping. But tts jus saying.
I am glad that ive recovered. Coz i still need to work tmr.

But im worried i wouldnt be able to sleep tonight, given tt the meds are not drowsy. With the amount of rest i had today, i doubt i can have a good sleep.

One thing for sure though, i find myself finally rested. Or at least in body terms. And i believe that should be a good consolation.

Untitled

Clearing my mails and i saw this which i wrote some time back.

Thot of placing it down here, of coz, this is just an abstract of it.

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I should be strong, or so i thot.

I have no idea where to channel all these pent up frustrations, all the injustice, all the sufferings.

I will shatter soon if i contain all these any further.

I wish i can find one opportunity and get pissed drunk. And using the alcohol in my blood, let everything out, voice out all my unhappiness to someone i can trust. I jus wan the person to listen, to watch over me, and i shall get emotional, and i'll breakdown and cry nonstop. The person to look at me releasing, look at me breaking, stay by my side, be with me, stay with me through the moment.

And then i will get too tired and drained, the person will send me home, put me to bed. Gently stroking my forehead and holding my hands, the person shall say, "Things are going to get better, as long as u carry on breathing. Better days will surely come to you. Just cry out, as loud as u can, as much as u wan, it is ok for celestine to cry. Jus cry."

Then i will start bawling, but this time i will jus plainly cry, with no words. Alas, when my body finally gives in, i shall whisper to the person who held my hands so tight, "Thank you". And i'll drift off to sleep.

Next day, i shall awake to a fresher me. Starting anew. After the previous night, i will feel like the luckiest person in the world, someone was really there for me. I shall quit heavy drinking, i will tell myself this is the last time. Let everything go, drop all the unneccessary ppl, start afresh, start from scratch. From that moment on, find a better job, build up my finances, know more new ppl, new wardrobe, new accessories, change all my stuffs to new, groom myself again, stay cheerful and happy, or at least at ease, bring back the social butterfly (which ive lost) in me, bring back my wittiness, build up my life again, focus on a career, but oso always rewarding and pampering myself and last but not least save money to buy my own house one day.

I jus wan the old emo, dramatic, miserable, promblematic Celestine to go away.

This is the only thing my heart really wans now... Jus someone there to see thru it. Jus this one night. I wan nothing more. Just this one time to drop everything and move on...

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I guess thats enuff said...

Indifference

I don't know if i mentioned this before.

I caught this line from watching the earlier seasons of Desperate Housewives donkey yrs ago and i still remember it today. Coz it jus pricks my heart everytime.

"The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference."

Kills me every time when i recall this.

Indifference is just the most cruel thing ever. You hate because there is still concern. But when you are indifferent, you basically don't care, don't bother, no matter what others say or do. There is just no more obligation, no more feeling, no more bond towards the other party.

The tougher and heartless you are, the higher the level of your indifference will be.

HAPPY THOTS CELES!!!

Well, on a lighter note before i start the entry, i now at least have enough money to eat, smoke, meet up with some frenz, celebrate gf's bday on 18th, get something for one fren and last till the end of the month. And thats great news for me.

I will ban myself from drinking (yea i knoe i always say tt, but it takes time u see. Lol), and also ban KTVs for 2.5 weeks. But seriously, i have cut down trememdously on my drinking, and thats good. Slowly but surely, i believe i will become a social drinker again.

With many things going on, i am hurt and troubled but im trying to get on and chanting to myself, "HAPPY THOTS, HAPPY THOTS!" Lol.

Im trying to arrange ppl to meet till i start work. Meeting SZ tmr, meeting Ben on mon, meeting Keith/Wendy on tues hopefully - still no confirmation from them, meeting Marvin on wed to hand him something - haven told him yet, lol. I oso wan to meet a gal whom ive not seen for some time. Maybe fri?

And thursday i guess i'll jus stay put at home. Yea. Lol.

I have another entry set up but i guess i'll save it another time. Im hungry and i think i will go and cook for now.

Happy Lunar New Year

Happy new year everyone! I hope you all enjoy ur long holiday break from work.

Its the 2nd round of my rat year. Haiz, and it sucks to know you are in mid-20s now. Lol. Especially when u dun even feel that u are so old already! Yes, 24 is old!

2006 & 2007 were really bad years for me. Well, not like any other years were any better. I guess the good old days all stopped literally after 1996. 2008 started out on extremely bad notes, it was ok for the 1st week, and everything just came down after that. Everything is just not going well at all, family, work, frenz, finanically, etc. EVERYTHING! Sigh...

My office will be closed from tmr and reopens only on 15th. 4 days of leave gone, plus 1 more on 18th coz its my gf's bday celebration. I also took 1 urgent leave last week, so 6 days gone. Sigh.

I really hate CNY.

I hate family/home steamboats, patronising family reunions. I have no relatives in sg to visit, not that im keen if i do. I will be extremely bored and lonely due to the extended holiday. Everyone will either be visiting their relatives or they would have already started work after that.

And i will always be too broke around tis time of the year to get any NY clothes or watever.

I totally hate tis feeling.

And worst of all, my gf will be gone overseas during my extended break until 17th.

So that means my Valentine's Day celebration will be gone. *Big sigh*

Ive never spent any Valentine's Days alone de lor. Sigh. But this year will be an exception. I am quite anal about celebrating occassions. So i am bloody disappointed. Its not my gf fault. Its jus everything isnt going as planned. And no, i do not welcome dates on V day.

Also, was supposed to be bunking over at my frenz place during my break and same thing, a whole bloody other stuffs came up. Sigh.

Think i'll jus dig a hole and bury myself.

Meanwhile, i still got to think of how to occupy myself for the next 9 days. But i guess the worst thing is, even if i managed to find company, i have no money to head out.

But i shall not be poor forever. I shall recover all that i've lost... Soon...

Untitled

It hurts so much when you have given so much for others to make them live better, that your own living gets heavily affected but only to realise that in return, when you see the ones closest to you get what they want, you are the one who's left behind.

Something is wrong...

It's weird to start off my 2008 entries with this title. Should have said something like Happy New Year, my resolutions or something nice.

But i jus cant do that.

Anyways, i hope 2008's been great so far for the rest of you. And yes, even though its already 18 Jan, but still, Happy New Year.

I duno wats wrong with me. I feel my life energy being drained.

Granted i was very sick for about a mth and i still went Batam last week end. I was overwhelmed with tiredness. And somehow i never seemed to recover.

I totally did not enjoy my batam retreat a single bit. It was supposed to be fun, relaxing, enjoyable. While the other 2 had a fantastic time. I for one reason or another, felt very sick, pressurized and tired. It was as though nothing went my way then. I was frowning all the way, in a fucked up mood. Sigh...

And it followed me all the way.

Im not sure if its psychological. But it felt as though im under a curse or voodoo trick or i brought "something" back.

I've rested, i slept but I could not sleep properly at all. I feel tired all the time. I cannot focus, concentrate or speak properly I have no energy at all. When i try to work or watch tv or eat (putting in more energy than usual in other words), i get this enormous sharp pain across my head. If u look at my face now, i cant even open my eyes fully.

Ive got to exert alot of mental strength and energy jus to prop my eyes open when its only natural during normal days. You have no idea how much energy ive got to exert jus to type these. Sigh.

And its not abt lack of sleep, Celestine always function without sleep. But tis time it jus feels so different. My neck and shoulders are aching badly (i jus had a massage last week for goodness sake), my muscles are all collapsing. I feel like tearing my body apart.

I duno if its the added work responsiblities or the financial pressure, or wat.

I think im jus going mad. And i jus have to tok to people to keep my sanity in check.

Untitled

(This entry is not gonna make any sense. I am jus voicing out my thots.

Things arent gonna be resolved or explained thru mere words, so dun ask...)



How long do you intend to keep this going on?



How long do you expect me to guess your thots?



How many times do you want hear ,"im ok"?



And how many times do i have to hear you say the same thing?



When we know its fucking not.



Sometimes i do wonder, y do ppl change along the way. Y does the past equals to dust when you reach saturation.

Lost my hp~ So sms me with ur name if u have my no.

I kept wanting to post this but never did. Wanted to blog on actual day but never did, waited and wanted to blog, and nv did again. It was saved as draft with only a few lines on 19 Oct i think, and now its 1st of Nov already.

I really hate to come in every other 3 mths or so, jus to post a damn long crazy entry. But then, wat to do, no time sia. I am busy, no time or no mood. And then when i finally sit down and type. I lose the feeling already. -_-" No feeling = No Power

These are the lines...

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Sometimes i truly wonder if heaven/god or whoever up there overseeing us is testing me or simply, playing a joke on me.


Maybe its jus fate/destiny that's playing me out.


More often than not,
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More often than not wat? Wat sia? Lol.

I lost my hp weeks back.

Aiya, im so distracted now. I'll continue another time. 30 mins left only.

HAPPY BDAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YATI!!!!!!!!!

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I had wanted to blog, but just after i managed to type that line, i was caught up heavily with work... Lol. And now i have no time. Haha.

So yea Yati, ur bday deserves a whole entry itself!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!!!!

Fallen

I had fallen. Into my never ending pit, or so it seems.
I tried to pick myself up, but ive never managed to climb out of the hole.

I did try, many a times when i was at rock bottom, i pushed myself. Like wat ppl say, when u are at the bottom, theres no where to go but upwards.

However, just when i saw that ray of light, i had to take the wrong step and fall deeper but fortunately i still managed to get a grip. And the cycle just repeats over n over again.

But I am so tired climbin.

There were times when i lost my grip, or when my energy was totally drained, i simply gave up and climbed back down to the bottom. I stayed quiet and took a long break to recharge myself. Some times i just live there coz i cant even be bothered trying the never ending climb.

Often, there were people who passed by. I was out of reach and they couldnt help me. Other times, it was too risky for them to endanger their lives, trying to help.

These ppl asked me, "Its been so many years, you might not even make it, y dun u just give up? Let yourself go."

Seriously, the thot crossed my mind too many times. I wanted to just simply let everything go and fall to my death. End this struggle once and for all.

But i didnt. Perhaps i did try once. But it was just a trial, so the fall didnt kill me.

I bled, cut and bruised myself countlessly. But it cannot be compared to the wounds that were inflicted on my heart. The chasing of hope, and losing it each time.

Some times i feed myself with goals and dreams just to carry on trying.

I tell the passerbys myself, "U dun need a reason to carry on trying. U jus need to ensure u carry on breathing.".

But for myself, I need the moltivation.

I am strong enuff to carry on, but i am not strong enuff to face the next fall.
The traces of each fall were bone deep. And each wound never recovered.

Even so, however long it takes, u cant stay in darkness forever, especially when seemingly, u do see a speckle ray of light from the top. However, i do wonder if thats my own imagination. Your mind plays tricks on u when u r down. It could just be a fragment of ur wishes, and it was never there to begin with.

The goals and dreams never last. The armours tt i wore werent strong enuff to shield the rain, which constantly, makes me fall back.

I build one dream after another, but they were all broken. I am not strong enuff to build a good protection and thus i had to endure the crap humans throw at me, and start over.

Maybe I shd jus stop trying n spend the rest of my days at the bottom. Wat if i never make it, even if i continue trying. So wat if i made it to the top? Wat is the world out there for me?

I had never belong, wat makes me so sure i will be happier out there? Will i be pushed back in jus after i spent all my life climbing?

There was no hope to begin with, only a fool's hope.

I wished there is someone out there who will help me, who is there for me, encouraging me, lending me a hand, giving me strength. The person never ask me for anything in return, but jus stayed with the dream of seeing me out of it.

I waited n waited.

Often, i come across treasures along my climb. Ive never been rich, i only carry wats enuff to keep me ahead, otherwise, they will be too heavy a burden to carry.

To some people along the way, i pitched to them wat i can offer, jus so people will stop.

Some told me, "Dun worry, i will definately save you. And i dun need ur treasures.".

Lies, they are all lies.

It all started well, but as times go by. People gets weaker, not bearing them to go thru the pain i did, i offered them my treasure. So that they can heal and continue.

Some nv came back, some came back but asked for more and some came back and told me, "I am rich now, i dun need u anymore."

Many times i gave out more than i should as some ppl were strong. I needed more treasures n time to seek their help. However at times, my treasures ran out. And u noe that these ppl werent there to begin with.

They simply moved on to seek their next treasures holder.

Ive only asked for help and strength, was it too much?

At the end of the day, we are both of different worlds. I grew up in the hole, whereas u grew up from the outside world. Perhaps it was a mistake that we met.

It was never there to begin with.

I was just dreaming. You were never there.

And i ended with nothing once again.

Make Do

No idea wat happened to the skin.

Guess i'll make do with the minimal ugly default ones 1st...

Wait till i find better templates.

Blood Donated 8 Sep 07, FTT 20 Nov 07 8PM

Need to document the date for my own reference, i always haf prob remembering when i donated. Especially when they rarely update my online blood donation database... Especially when they take ages to send me back my donation card, which is jus a lousy piece of crappy paper.

Next donation will be 1 Dec onwards, this is easy to remember. Anyways, i can search my blog now.

I literally fainted when i went on sat. Coz i did not had any food or more water and i was also having menses. So i basically fainted at home, after making a trip to Raffles City for some shopping, and after making a trip to Cineleisure for a smoke with Marvin.

My sis said after waking me n asking me wats wrong, "u wan to faint go faint on ur own bed, i wan to watch shows". -____-"

Anyways, this time was fast n quiet too, i now know wat time to donate liao. Lol. It was interesting as well. One cute guy was 2 beds away from me, and then came in a hoard of students from NTU, led by a oso quite cute guy wearing suit from HSA explaining to them all abt blood donation, the procedure etc.

And then they used the cute guy to show them the whole process. It was quite fun listening to the other cute guy. I certainly learnt more, though i still wanted to ask tis qns, "Y do they take 4 tubes of samples from each donor, whereas they need to take 6 for me?"

The other cutie said, they take 4 samples, 1 to test HIV AIDS, 1 to test SYPHILLIS, 1 to test MALARIA, and other one i cant remember. Then my other 2 leh? For wat one?

There were a few male students who were quite irritating though. They kept scaring the female beside me, lol. But i dun like her either.

Due to lack of water, and the overloaded red wine the previous night, my blood was super thick. And strangely, it was smoother this time... My blood flowed for the fastest ever, the nurse was so shock. Lol. She kept sayin, "So fast!".

I mus be broken a record. I was pretty amazed too at how fast it ended. Lol. It was like, eh, over liao?

Usually it will take abt 3-7 mins, often from wat i saw its like 5-10 mins.

U do see those poor fellas whose blood couldnt flow, having a hard time.

Mine came under 3 mins tis time. Lol.

Did the cuties gave me the adrenaline rush, and made my heart pump faster?

Lol. K la, enuff abt blood.

Having alittle stroke of luck, i managed to book my final theory test date online a moment ago. Lol, i tried once yest, no slots, today i went in to see see look look but not hoping much and i saw tt bloody 8pm slot... Muahaha...

No need to head down liao... Though its jus 20mins from my place. And i paid 80cents more to do it online. Lol.

This is so boring.

Be back later or something.

Driving

My private driving course expired in oct. Just extended for 6 mths but i couldnt book a date for the final theory. Got to head down to SSDC for more nite slots.

I didnt go to the test on last fri. Kinda forgotten abt it and went for the movie with SZ. I didnt study again so no loss, however wasted 12 bucks obviously.

Next slot is Nov. Think i die die got to force myself to study bah. And go for it oso. Sian.

My course will expire 10 Apr... Hopefully done by then. But i doubt so obviously...

...

Too long, CUT!!!!

You know your nails are waaayyy too long when...

• u no longer type on ur keyboard with ur fingers, u r typing with ur nails, except the space bar
• when u try to use ur finger tip to type one key, ur nail types the letter above it together
• u feel slight tingly discomfort typin with ur nails
• u have zero finger tip contact when pressing the lift storey buttons, u bend ur finger and use ur finger joint
• ur finger tips no longer touch any flat surface areas
• u try to turn the knob of your office cabinets, only ur nails got in
• u press the top nozzle of ur air fresherner, u spray into ur own nail

I need to cut them... But im lazy coz it takes a long time to cut, trim, file, or even buff...

Sucks to be female...

Your Score: 6 - the Questioner

Edit: I jus went to see the other 4 options they gave... I am pretty much everything combined... Lol. So im posting everything but i'll highlight those points tt describe me.

I didnt copy the pics coz i duno how to... Lol...

Anyways, the pics will dictate im not a six... But the results are true though.


you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX (aka "The Loyalist").


"I am affectionate and skeptical"

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

Be direct and clear.
Listen to me carefully.
Don't judge me for my anxiety.
Work things through with me.
Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
Laugh and make jokes with me.
Gently push me toward new experiences.
Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a SIX - I dun like all these... They are weaknesses of which affects my living... Lol

being committed and faithful to family and friends
being responsible and hardworking
being compassionate toward others
having intellect and wit
being a nonconformist
confronting danger bravely
being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a SIX

the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

SIXes as Children Often

are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

SIXes as Parents

are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
worry more than most that their children will get hurt
sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries


you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT (aka "The Challenger").


"I must be strong"

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

Stand up for yourself... and me.
Be confident, strong, and direct.
Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
Give me space to be alone.
Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a EIGHT

being independent and self-reliant
being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
being courageous, straightforward, and honest
getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a EIGHT

overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
never forgetting injuries or injustices
putting too much pressure on myself
getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

EIGHTs as Children Often

are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
are sometimes loners
seize control so they won't be controlled
fugure out others' weaknesses
attack verbally or physically when provoked
take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

EIGHTs as Parents

are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
are sometimes overprotective
can be demanding, controlling, and rigid


you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO (aka "The Charmer").


"I must help others"

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me

Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships

Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a TWO

being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a TWO

not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

TWOs as Children Often

are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
are outwardly compliant
are popular or try to be popular with other children
act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted TWOs), or quiet and shy (the more introverted TWOs)

TWOs as Parents

are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
are often playful with their children
wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
can become fiercely protective


you chose CZ - your Enneagram type is ONE (aka "The Reformer").


"I do everything the right way"

Perfectionists are realistic, conscientious, and principled. They strive to live up to their high ideals.

How to Get Along with Me

Take your share of the responsibility so I don't end up with all the work.
Acknowledge my achievements.
I'm hard on myself. Reassure me that I'm fine the way I am.
Tell me that you value my advice.
Be fair and considerate, as I am.
Apologize if you have been unthoughtful. It will help me to forgive.
Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh at myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.

What I Like About Being a ONE

being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal
working hard to make the world a better place
having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself
being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do
being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions
being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people

What's Hard About Being a ONE

being disappointed with myself or others when my expectations are not met
feeling burdened by too much responsibility
thinking that what I do is never good enough
not being appreciated for what I do for people
being upset because others aren't trying as hard as I am
obsessing about what I did or what I should do
being tense, anxious, and taking things too seriously

ONEs as Children Often

criticize themselves in anticipation of criticism from others
refrain from doing things that they think might not come out perfect
focus on living up to the expectations of their parents and teachers
are very responsible; may assume the role of parent
hold back negative emotions ("good children aren't angry")

ONEs as Parents

teach their children responsibility and strong moral values
are consistent and fair
discipline firmly

Frustration

Although i did not go cut and rebond my hair. I still chalked up my aug credit bill...
KNS, coz tt bloody ktv rejected my debit card... Duno y oso, i always use de lor... I had no cash so i LL got to sign my credit... Coz my other debit card no money... KNN...

And then leh, i see my hair more n more like crap... Dun even bother abt my mum who always say i look like shit... Even my buddy oso said the same thing... He initially said its fine, then later its been an eye sore... He asked me to dye black, DIY, he help me... Sigh, duno leh... Also duno DIY can cover all or not.

I still feel like rebonding it lor.... But i dun wan to cut short le... Just rebond n trim... Sigh... Maybe next mth bah.... And then wait another mth go dye dark brown...

Anyways, to prevent further misunderstandings... The "he", "buddy" tt i always talked abt is Marvin... I mean like crap lor, those who knoes me sure noe who im toking abt one wat... For those pathetic female losers who are double guessing, screw u la...

Tis is my blog ok... U saw my name, go google search or watever (damn KPO u, so free nothing better to do isit?), chance upon my blog, tts ur own prob.... I do not need to answer to anyone here lo....

Marvin's not even complaining abt wat i wrote, y shd the rest be....

Names names... So impt meh...

U all oso duno who wat, even if i write out their names... Those who r close noe already mah... KNS leh u all... I mean all the strangers....

Then mus i repeat their names all over? Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin Marvin.... Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen Shu zhen...

U got anything to say, say to me directly lah... Dun go one big round or tell 3rd party can or not? If u wan to play games, dun let me knoe... Fucking angry can! Piss me off lor... Speaking of which jus reminded me of someone else... Sigh, but i guess i shall not go into details...

I have not been updating coz i am so sick of my life, i am so down, i am so depressed, frustrated with everyone, and everthing else...

Alot had happened, lots to tok abt, but i jus aint got the mood to blog abt them...

And now im sick again, which jus pulled everything into rock bottom... I DO NOT LIKE TO BE SICK, coz when im sick, ppl ard me gets more selfish (dun allow me to rest, tok loud loud, disturb me wif nonsense), and then i will feel lonely... KNS...

LONELINESS is a taboo in my dictionary ok?

I am lonely-tolerant coz i am alone! I am not supposed to feel otherwise, if not tts slapping myself for having walked tis far...

If only im not female... If only im not emotional...

I will jus let everyone go, give everything up, without any burden, and leave this place forever...

Sigh... KNN!!!

I feel like cursing n swearing to all the bitches and fuckers....

Except tt i am now so miserable, i cant tok, i cant pronounce properly and i cant breath properly too... Plus im hungry!

Lol.

Sian sian sian...

Seriously i duno wat ive becum lately...

Either i step out of it or i continue but make it work better for me, as in towards my own advantage not to others... Otherwise im nv crawling back out again until someone threw the fully injured, useless me off the hole....

U mus be thinking wat e hell im toking abt... Well, tts for me to noe... It doesnt matter u get it or not, coz tis is MY blog , geddit?

If i wan U to understand, i will... If i dun i will jus speak in riddles...

My brain's not working properly again...

TBC tmr...