Just Alittle More

I was typing another serious entry a moment ago, until it was rather painful thinking about e past and i eventually lost my train of thots... I stopped and saved it as draft though its incomplete... Perhaps it would be easier if i dun use my own experiences on my entries... It shd be simpler tis way...

I doubt i am going to finish tt entry though... Maybe i shdnt think about complicated/serious/emotional stuffs when im alone... It makes it even tougher...

Some randoms stuffs...

Yest night i shifted my whole computer table to my living rm... It was such a chore... But i haf to do it... Coz i haf to get some things done in the night, and i cant use my com without a proper sitting chair and decent light... Besides i cannot disturb my sis who would be sleeping...

I am not saying i would definately get e things done right away, now, tonight, or tmr (due to personal reasons n struggles), but i noe at least it was a start... I noe i haf to move on, and i will... Just tt Im trying not to push n force myself too hard, coz i noe it would surely backfire... Then again, maybe i shd be harder on myself, as wat the rest would say...

But to push an already weakened state of mind to e wall is abit too difficult to manage... At least i tried and i did small little things, step by step, to aid me in pushin forward, and to me, tts impt, regardless of wat others say... I also stopped a few events/matters from happening tt would cause me to carry on the standstill even though some of them seemed quite appealing n lucrative...

But like i said, i am not the kind of person who is motivated and driven by money and materialistic temptations even though i need it to survive at the least...

I chatted wif a fren last night over msn and told him tt i decided on some things after giving some thots... And he actually said, "Well, i do not knoe whether to feel happy for u, support u or otherwise. ", "But keep moving on and dun look back."

I was pleasantly surprised, coz a normal person would jus say, "Tts great!" or something to tt effect... But from his words, i knew he took in wat i said seriously, gave it some thot and replied to me individually, to Celestine... Although he doesnt noe me very well, but apparently he remembered e impt stuffs about me in tis particular situation... Or at least enuff to come to tis conclusion...

In fact, wat he said was exactly how i felt... I made a decision, but it wasnt neccessarily wats best or something i truly wan, but the thing is i duno wat i wan now, coz i no longer wan anything... But if i carry on like these, i would never move on... And not moving on would cease all possibilities to find wat my heart and soul truly seek...

And thus i do not noe whether i shd be happy and supportive about it tt ive finally come somewhere or otherwise... He nailed tt... A place where others do not see, cant be bothered to see, or they saw but either chose to ignore or decided not to say anything about it...

But of coz, we also tok alot of nonsense later on... Lol...

Anyways, luckily my whole computer table can be pushed ard... Luckily my living got tis particular space to put it although i am blocking e walking path... And luckily in tis position, i can connect to the tel line... Haha...

But putting it here has its disadvantages as well, when my mum or me cook, the smoke n oil are going to be coated on my com... Also, my mum would watch tv and thereby i would be affected...

I will see how it goes though... Hope i get it done, soon...

Just 8 more days to SZ's graduation... I am very excited and looking forward to it... I haf not seen her for some time liao... She is mugging extensively for her final exams and under alot of stress... I feel so sorry tt i cant do anything about it to lessen up her burden...

I can only hope my comfort reached her when she needed it, though digitally...

Shes got to cross tis final hurdle herself... So i thot tt i would make more effort on my part, in my own things... Work hard together, tts wat i thot... The only thing i can do, the only way i can lend her my strength in my own small way... Which explains y e follow up of certain things i did... Like e chalet, i tried n fought hard...

You must jia you, ok? Yao over le! Just alittle more... Wo ye shi zai nu li wor... Though maybe not as much as e mental strainings u r having, but wo zhen de ye nu li, nu li de huo ze, nu li de hu xi (if u get wat i meant)...

PS: Jus read my entry as it is, i dun type e explicit details for obvious reasons...