Some After thoughts...

Now tis is hard. I read fr my fren's blog n realised some saddening news.

My fren's sis, who has a best fren of 10 yrs, committed suicide on fri afternoon. Means, it was the same day when i celebrated Shuzhen's bday. How ironic is tat, there we were enjoying ourselves at the ktv, while at another place of Sg, someone decided to end her life and she died lonely n miserable.

To think i was even so excited to blog about the celebration, posting pictures when somethin so grey happened near me(considerin Sg is a small place). I guess, tats wat we call, the world goes round. Butterfly effect, when somethin happened here, somethin worse will happen elsewhere.

I feel extremely sorry for the deceased.

I feel alot for tis incident, even though i duno them. I happened to be pondering the "death of frens issue" lately. And tis incident made me pour out some of my thots here. Didnt intend to blog somethin so solemn so soon, but i cant help it.

In our life phrases, u will definately reach the stage when u will start attendin funerals of ur frens, n of ppl u noe. No, tis is not "choi" or wat, but it will eventually definately happen, coz we r jus mere mortals.

Below is the stages tat i gathered fr ppl in sg:

20-35 : Start getting invitations to weddings
35-45: Start hearing frens n ppl getting divorced
45 onwards: Start to attend more and more funerals

Now, ppl in self denial and younger ppl will not understand how the above is derived. Try toking to ppl in their 40s and above, n u'll understand perfectly.

Wat saddened me about the whole incident is tis. The deceased and my fren's sis are best frens of 10 yrs. And she didnt knoe anythin until the following morning, when her other frens informed her of the incident. Pls also note tat the opinions below r not targetted towards tis specific incident n the ppl involved. I am only expressing my triggered thots on a general topic.

And also, after reading tat, i still hear ppl saying "feng liang hua" over the incident, tat saddened me even more. Wif ppl like these, we can all understand y suicidal cases haf increased tremendously over the past yrs in sg. I will not quote any examples, so as to protect their interests.

Think about this fr a fren's point of view(i shall not tok about family in tis instance):

If u haf a very close fren, who suicided. As a fren, u noe nuts about anythin, and didnt even try to save tat person directly or indirectly, coz reason was u duno. U only learnt about the incident after everythin happened.

Do you,

1) Feel tat the deceased is foolish/stupid/immature/insensible/selfish, coz everythin could be worked out. The person shd haf called u to tok to u about it, and face live bravely.

or

2) Feel tat, as a fren, u didnt even live up to the name. And tat u shd haf noticed even be4 things happened.

Think about it...


Frens are not jus companions for u to go ktv wif, go movies wif(coz u dun wish to watch Constantine alone, findin ppl who watch movies alone r all weirdos), go spin driving wif, go supper wif, go travelling wif n so on.

Frens r there to experience life wif u, who share their life wif u, who will always try to make life better for u, who is there wif u no matter happy or sorrowful, who is there to hold ur hand, lend u a crying shoulder, hear u complain, hear u shout, hear ur injustice, go thru ur unreasonable requests, scoldings, lecture. But at the end of the day, still be wif u, walk wif u, till the end of the journey of life.

If frens r not there to do all these. Then i duno wat frens r for already...

Of coz, im not saying u shd lay ur life down for ur frens(coz ppl in tis new age do not believe in these anymore). Yes, we r all busy wif work, wif our families, wif husbands/bfs, but if u haf the heart, time can always be managed, even for a short meal, or short phone call(no, im not toking about sms).

Many feel tat as long as u haf a partner, u can spend all ur time wif him/her, coz they r the priority. Coz they will be the ones staying wif u for the rest of ur life. Gd partners r harder to find than frens. True, im not sayin tat partners r not impt. Unfortunately, ppl fail to see tat, frens can be there for u for the rest of ur life too.

If u wan to tell me, "nah, there's no such things as best frenz, or true frenships, they will never be there when u need them.". Ok, fair enough, but then i guess, after lecturing me on tat theory, u shd then start to reflect on why u didnt managed to haf best frenz or true friendships.

The truth is, not many put in the effort, thus it results in lack of true friendships.

Ask urself somethin, y is it hard to pick up ur life after a breakup? One reason is tat u really love the person n u cant imagine living the rest of ur life wifout the person. Another reason is undeniable(pls understand tat im toking about general cases in my stand, not including fairy tale, happy, perfect stories coz they r rare), tat u had concentrated so much on the person, tat made u realised u will be left wif nothin after the breakup. Face it, tis is the truth. Even i made the same mistakes, too.

Every now n then, i received SMSes from ppl whom we didnt even contact for yrs, or those tat i wasnt even close wif. They will be asking me to go out, catch up, stuffs like tat. I will always question myself, why did tis chap out of a the blue, suddenly contact me after so many yrs. Its so weird and awkard anyway.

Then, I noticed one repeated pattern. Reason y we werent close or lost contact, is tat they r attached. Reason y they suddenly out of the sudden, wishes to meet u up n catch up wif u, is tat they had broken up. Simple. Look ard u and think about my words. Or the worse reason is, they r involved in MLM business.

Face the reality. How many actually sincerely think of u suddenly after yrs of lapse, tat they genuinely wishes to be frenz wif u again, wif no strings attached? Maybe u wan to tell me, ppl change as they grow, yes but, tats becoz they had not been keeping frenz n over the yrs they realised they r lonely and hope to pick up the old pieces.

Well, im not saying u shd ignore them. The pt is, things dun work tis way. Frenship is not built on a few yrs lapse of SMSes, worst still, MSN, ICQ, Emails.

As some of u shd noe, i do haf one best fren of closing 9 yrs, Shuzhen. And our friendship did not come about fr jus mere simple secondary introduction, or the no. of movies we watched, or the no. of outings we went, or the no. of phone calls we made.

Fact is, believe it or not, our friendship stands strong today is due to the no. of downs we had, the no. of quarrels we made, the amt of sorrow n sometimes, jealousy, hatred we had for each other. We had broken up, thousands of times. So much so tat there were periods of mths we didnt even wan to tok to each other, though we sat together everyday.

But it is due to these negatives, tat made us realise our bond will never die. It is only when u haf been thru the roughest times, then u can see the light at the end of the road. Now we know nothin will come between us.

It is extremely tough for both of us, maintainin tis friendship, coz we both went entirely different ways. She, JC, Uni, me, Poly, Work. Our schedules clashes, our own social circle clashes, even our frenz cant click. I cant click wif hers, she cant wif mine. Even so, we still make sure, we keep in constant contact, and she reads my blog everyday as well. She even smses me when she saw certain issues fr my blog. And its still growing strong.

Y? Coz we had gone thru life together, we shared our lives wif each other. We built a very gd foundation, so much so tat, some things tat came inbtw us along the way, we simply brushed them aside. Now tis is actual friendship.

Of coz we r not perfect, we still squabble some times. I do keep some things fr her, and i believe she does too. But all these doesnt matter, it's all part n parcel of the package. In olden days, there never was terms like close frenz, buddies, best frenz, hi-bye frens, there was only friendship. How did it all come to tis stage now? Think about it.

Back to the suicide issues, i assure u, watever reasons tat the person haf for suicidal thots, it can be saved, simply by, being there wif the person. Trust me, i had been thru it. Remembered i told u be4 my life has been a very tough ride. I would be lying if i tell u i didnt think of death. To be honest, im quite miserable recently. But im still trying to push on.

But one thing im sure of, when u reach desperation, always call up someone, it will not solve ur prob, but u will not end not ur life. It all takes alittle more effort for the ppl ard u. If u cant do it, coz u r busy, then i guess, most probably, u will be alone. And when it comes to tat, live wif it.

I mentioned tis in my frenster profile, "Live your life well, you haf only but one chance and the worst part is, you never know how long ur chance is going to last." Now, dun give me religious afterlife preaches. How are u going to be sure? Can u prove it to me?

We mus all understand tat, one day we all r going to die. Do u wish to die wif regrets? While living ur life to the fullest, ignoring humanities, only reverses the cycle. "Money, fame, fortune", will not be toking to u when u grow old, for they all r but jus, "Paper, Title, Stone and Brick" at the end of the day. Workin 24 hrs a day, will not make u an any happier person, if u lead tis kind of lifestyle, u cant gurantee me tat u wouldnt be killed on ur way to work tmr. And i wouldnt be informed of ur death until i see u in afterlife(if there is).

No personal attacks here, jus expressing my own personal thots n views. No intention at all to offend anyone either.