Went Temple "Bai Tai Sui"

Tis late morning went to temple "Bai Tai Sui". Coz tis yr "rat" ppl "fan tai sui". Nearly cannot wake up, very tired... Went to the one near my place, the one in front of the hawker, beside YCK Community Centre, heard tis temple is very gd.

I have never in my entire life went to a temple myself. Very young time, maybe mum got pull me in. But me myself never been there. Tis can say the 1st time. Met up wif Shuzhen 11+am, but shes not praying coz her mum dun allow, but since she promised to go wif me, coz i dunno anythin, she accompanied me there.

I was very lost there, duno wat to do. Then look ard for ppl who "bai tai sui" also, coz today is "chu 4", the day to pray to "tai sui ye". Then went to the counter, stationing 2 uncles writing names, i went over, ppl cut my Q, nvm. Then went over to buy the incense and stuff for $3.5o, then very blur. Wif instructions given by Shuzhen(who had tissue covering her nose coz too smoky and sittin on the bench outside), i prayed to all the gods then finally to "tai sui ye" where the uncle took my paper and chanted for me. Then i went out to burn my incense paper where something happened.

2 things upset me today.

1st thing. When i went over to the stove to burn my paper, got one guy already there, he threw in the paper near the opening, coz its sort of stacked up already, then i did the same lor. Just after i threw in a few sheets, one auntie came over and threw thick stacks of papers near the opening. And then the caretaker came over and ask her qns in hokkien.

I duno how to speak hokkien, but can sort of understand in general. He asked her y throw the paper near the opening, shd throw further in, tis n tat. And then, shockingly, she pointed her finger at me, n told the caretaker tat its not her, its me. WTF??????? I was so shocked when she did tat. I think she also assume i cant understand hokkien so she pushed the blame to me. Y would anyone, in a temple somemore, do tis kind of thing??? Im so shocked and at the same time, disgusted wif ppl like her. She looked like a pretty decent el-speaking auntie, cant believe she did tat.

Then after few seconds, the auntie threw her whole stack of incense paper inside and left. Before the issue started, the 1st guy left already anyway. Then now me there alone, throwing in my paper slowly(dun ask me y i so slow, i jus wanted to take my time). Then the caretaker came back wif his charred shover, ask me to "siam", then while shoving in the ashes deeper in the stove, started to lecture me in hokkien.

He was saying something like cannot like tis, mus throw in deeper tis n tat. And u noe hokkien sounds very loud n rude, and so i felt like i was being scolded. Wat was tat? I feel so accused. I mean, yah, i noe i did throw some sheets near the opening, tats coz i didnt haf a choice and it wasnt intentional. There's a hugh stack at the opening burning, and i dun expect to burn my hand to show my sincerity. I was taking it very seriously u noe. Further more, she was the one doing it but pointed her finger at me.

Ah, tis reminded me of the saying,
"When u point a finger at someone, u r actually pointing 3 fingers at urself"

Ok nvm.

Then i jus look at him let him say lor, coz i cant converse back in hokkien anyway and i thot he doesnt understand cl as well. So jialat, jus finished praying only, kena tis kind of thing. I never expected to encounter "xiao ren" in temples somemore, even though my life got alot of them ard. Nvm, its her not gd, not me. Hope she reflects on her behaviour. But im sure she wun feel anything. Then i went to donate "xiang you" money(not much, u shd noe y), the uncle asked for my name and and chanted for my well-being and gd job.

Then we left for lunch. I like tat temple, somehow i felt tat its very cosy. My past years hadnt been smooth so i thot perhaps i shd go to the temple to pray for blessings. My ex colleagues, frenz, family, told me i shd go temple pray, coz they said my life alot of "xiao ren" and i very "suay" also. Told my sis the story, then she said maybe i shd go and pray to white tiger coz the white tiger will suppress my "xiao ren" life. But she said mus buy fat pork belly meat and put in the tiger's mouth. But i always quite scared of animal statues, dunno y. Real animals ok, but statue i scared. Ha, im so weird. I told one guy i scared of the white tiger statue, he can still shoot me, "Wun move one lah, scared wat?" -_-"

Btw, im not trying to be superstitious or wat here. Coz my life really screwed up, and i really hope it will change alittle. Those who noe me will understand. Then after i reached home, my main clock's time slowed down by one and a hr, then i was mistaken it was still early. Coz i told my dad i would go his house in the evening to pass him something.

Oh, btw, i felt rather drained after praying even though it wasnt long. If anyone got any idea y, then let me noe ya? Even Shuzhen who didnt pray said she very drained and tired.

Ok, back on track. Then dunno y, i received many calls together, at the same time somemore, weird. Whole week nobody call, one call all call together. Funny... Then my dad called and scolded me, asked me how come i not there yet. I told him i said evening(it was 4+ then), then he said now wat time liao so late tis n tat. Then i hurried over.

While we were toking, he toked about the past again as usual(btw, if u r interested to noe about my lifestory on the part tat my dad was a millionaire 17yrs ago, let me noe, i'll blog it, yes my family was very very rich long long time ago, but many things happened since then.). He was tokin about my mum poisoning my sis's mind saying tat he nearly killed her. Therefore, as a result, my sis dun visit him anymore. Tell u the story 1st.

My mum was in hard labour tat time having my sis, and Doc said mus perform surgery if not my sis will die. But they need husband's signature, so they called up my dad, who was very drunk after coming back from his heavy social entertainment, and told him to come down and sign the papers. He said ok and then fallen asleep coz he was too drunk. Worst thing is he didnt even place back the house phone(btw, no hp then yet), and therefore, he couldnt be located for the rest of the night. My mum was tormented in pain. Doc and nurses were cursing my dad. Yes, Docs and nurses do curse. But they cant do anything. And then the Doc went to his room to pray, then magically, my sis poped out. Not literally of coz. Lucky sis!

Ok, tats was wat happened. Therefore my mum told us tat he nearly killed my sis, which is kind of true anyway, even though i know tat its not intentional. Blog about my birth another time, quite interesting also. Well, since he was toking about accusation, i asked him something for verifications. Ok tis is the 2nd thing tat upset me.

me: mummy told me u hated me last me. Coz u said i was ur jinx, few yrs after i was born, u went bankrupt and lost everything. U loved Sis coz when she was born, it was the peak of ur career.

Guess wat he said. He looked at me, paused awhile and said.

dad: Well, tat was last time. Last time is last time, now is now. Now its different.

WAT???? How can he say tat? i wasnt expecting it to be true u noe, stupid me i shdnt haf asked. I thot it was one of my mum's many lies. I felt so depressed after tat.

dad: last time u like a doll lidat, small small, very weak(i was a premature baby btw). Then now u 180 degrees totally changed.

Where got ppl compare grown ups wif babies one? I dun even remember wat i did or how was my character then. Changed wat? Sigh... So sad. I was hoping he will lie, the truth hurts. After i left, i called shuzhen to tell her about it. Then while i was questioning y he can say these kind of things, i weeped awhile. So sad...

Well, there u haf it, my 2 very upsetting incidents today. Bleah....